


The Haunting of Armitage Hux

by MissArtemis



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Armitage Hux Has Issues, Armitage Hux Needs A Hug, Huxloween 2020, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, M/M, Mind Games, Obsessive Behavior, Paranoia, Possessive Kylo Ren, Protective Poe Dameron, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, Temporary Amnesia, Temporary Character Death, That's Not How The Force Works, Threats of Violence, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:00:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27320875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissArtemis/pseuds/MissArtemis
Summary: Armitage Hux is supposed to be dead, yet when he awakes he finds himself trapped on a Resistance ship. Unaware that Kylo Ren had brought him back to life using the dark side of the Force, everyone is suddenly faced with the eerie consequences of Hux cheating death.As fear and paranoia begin to plague the ship, Hux wonders if he was meant to be saved or if this is a punishment for trying to leave Kylo Ren behind.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron/Armitage Hux
Comments: 54
Kudos: 198





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is my spooky kylux fic I am publishing after Halloween ooo~ Basically I want to play around with elements of haunting and mind games. It is a TROS divergent fanfic where Ren really says lmao you died by Pryde? Not today.
> 
> Leave a comment and a kudos!
> 
> CW: temporary character death, mentions of death, slight gore, self-inflicted injury, obsessive behavior

General Hux was dead when he arrived. 

Kylo tried to rationalize it: Hux was a traitor, Hux had lost his worth as a General, and Hux was a plotting cur who was merely waiting to strike. What did Kylo Ren need from him? He already felt more powerful than the weasel-like man. 

No matter how many times Ren tried to justify Hux’s death, he couldn’t convince himself he was satisfied with it. 

Ren knew he shouldn’t have left Hux behind at all, but he couldn’t help but want to chase after the Resistance and crush their hope piece by piece. Hux was capable, and Hux had been on a tight leash that Ren enjoyed pulling.

His quickness to hunt the Resistance left him with a dead General. If Ren was honest, Hux was the only friend he had had during his time in the First Order, even before all the intricacies. Their rivalry often overtook their friendliness, but working with Hux felt akin to having someone close. 

Ren knew every second of every day, he’d miss the closeness. Hux’s nearness to him always changed his whole demeanor and the rate of his heartbeat. He was cursed to forever be attached to Hux, either by holding his leash or by a string around his heart. It felt completely unfair for Hux to die. Ren did not like feeling cheated out of something he owned. 

He always told himself he had to keep Hux as close as possible to prevent the man from hatching up a scheme against him. Every step of the way, Ren moved Hux into his corner, trapping him until he had nowhere else to turn.

At first, he decided that beating General Hux into submission would’ve been a good idea, but the man still proved to be resistant to his rough persuasion and it only made Hux more desperate to find a way to get rid of his new Supreme Leader. 

Slowly, Kylo Ren decided to try to make amends in their relationship to make something work out between them. Hux still turned his nose up at some of Ren’s demands and his desires, but it had become easier to manage Hux and work with the man as Ren got more used to being Supreme Leader. Strangely, Hux had been willing to help Ren figure out his new job too. 

Despite Hux’s helpfulness, Ren still assured that Hux was limited in his outreach. He made sure to isolate Hux from his favorite crewmembers, later to bring Hux to the _Steadfast_ where someone who hated Hux could also monitor him. Ren didn’t particularly trust or like General Pryde, but he knew the man was furiously loyal. 

Hindsight was 20/20, Ren realized. 

The proximity to Hux always made Ren feel strange. He caught himself staring when he’d see a flash of Hux’s wrist from the place where his gloves and sleeve didn’t connect. He found his pelvis area growing warm when he saw Hux bend over slightly to pick up a mouse droid Ren kicked (which only caused Ren to kick more when Hux was around). He began to estimate the actual size of Hux's waist to determine if he could put both his hands around him and have his fingertips meet. He noticed how he stared at Hux’s lips more often and thought about what it would feel like to have those lips on his.

It was unbearable. It was powerful. It was a reality, sooner or later. He found himself hating Hux, but not because the man was irritating him with his thoughts to usurper all of the power. He hated Hux because he wanted Hux. 

And what the Supreme Leader wanted, he would receive. 

And he did get it, time and time again. He found a way to get Hux to kiss him behind closed doors, to be more complacent to his wants, to back up his orders, and even to sleep in his bed. Hux was a funny little thing, Ren thought, how he was so focused and determined on the bridge but so shaky and almost innocent in bed. Ren realized things about Hux he knew no one else saw: Hux bruised easily, he cried sometimes when sex was intense, he was sensitive at the back of his neck, his waist was, as Ren estimated, tiny, and so much more that left Ren smacking his lips like a hungry hound.

There was a slight edge to their sexual endeavors. Hux thought he could be dominant, but the man was quick to realize Ren would not stand for letting Hux get any upper hands over him. He knew Hux discovered his beautiful submissiveness, but at a cost. He had to break down parts of Hux’s pride to let him know that it was all right to feel relaxed in Ren’s arms and let all the control slip away. 

To kiss Hux was a marvelous feeling, and sometimes it was a surprise. He didn’t often know if a kiss on Hux’s plush lips would result in the rabid cur trying to bite him or Hux stilling with a star-struck expression plastered across his delicate face. 

He was expecting a kiss after being humiliated by Rey once again, but he came back to the _Steadfast_ only to find Hux dead. 

Ren was wordless upon hearing the news. He knew, one day, someone would take his General out. Ren just always assumed he’d do it himself. 

Pryde had done it and was proud to tell Ren he had. 

“He was a traitor, Supreme Leader,” Pryde explained before Ren went to see the body. Ren wanted to kill Pryde right on the spot but didn’t. Nobody knew that Ren had such a close relationship with Hux. He rather would maintain the illusion just in case.

"Traitor" was a perfect word to befit Hux for all his shenanigans, but it still felt wrong to call him that. Hux was so much more to Ren than a traitor. Hux was difficult, stubborn, smart, beautiful, desirable, his, his, _his_. 

Pryde had killed what was his. He knew the man had to be disposed of for being so careless with Ren’s favorite General. He would’ve strangled Hux himself for having the gall to talk to the Resistance, but at least he would’ve done it.

He didn’t know why Hux would contact the Resistance at all. The man worked so hard to keep the First Order together; calling the Resistance was surely demolishing his life’s work. Ren thought they were getting along better, yet Hux died just to tear them apart. 

Ren stared down at the thin cloth over Hux’s dead body. Hux was freshly dead; the doctors said they did everything to save them but Pryde told them it wasn’t worth the resources. Traitors were supposed to die. 

_But this was mine_ , Ren thought to himself. 

Nobody was around him; he ordered it that way. With a shaky hand, Ren slowly folded the cloth over Hux’s body downward to see his face. 

He still looked beautiful, even in death. His hair was so bright in contrast to his white skin. Ren didn’t need the Force to know that Armitage Hux was certainly dead. 

Ren took in an unsteady breath. He pushed a piece of hair out of Hux’s face then let a finger linger near Hux’s ear. He wanted to squeeze the General, to scream, and to tell him to get up; death was too pathetic for Hux. Ren stayed quiet though. Hux would’ve hated it if he yelled.

The dead man on the table was his. Ren had the galaxy in his hands, but all he truly owned was Hux’s heart. He graphically thought about what it would be like to reach into Hux’s chest and pull out his still heart so he could literally have it, then wondered why he would ever do that. 

“What the hell did you do?” Ren murmured to himself, feeling his heart quicken in his chest. His whole body began to tremble, overwhelmed by the sight. He didn’t know if he was capable of handling Hux’s death while chasing down the Resistance. 

He thought of Rey. If she wasn’t so petulant, he would’ve had more time to watch over Hux. If she didn’t run and fight so hard to resist him, then perhaps Hux would’ve never had the opportunity to reach out to the Resistance behind his back. He blamed her. He blamed Poe Dameron, who had mocked his General in front of everyone. He blamed that traitor stormtrooper who started it all. 

They should’ve been dead, not his Hux. They should’ve been wiped out so Ren could present his victory and Hux could worry less and see Ren for the full man he was. It was always _them_ getting in the way of his relationship with Hux. 

He didn’t realize he was crying until he heard himself gasp for air through his tears. 

Ren dropped to his knees, clawing at the sheet over Hux’s body but careful not to let it fall off him. Hux would’ve been offended to be exposed to the world. 

He didn’t realize he’d be so distraught over Hux’s death but as the feeling of overwhelming loneliness overtook him, he saw how much he truly needed Hux. 

There would be an empty place in his bed now, a place where he could lure Hux and prove to him that only he could satisfy the General. There’d be no one to play his little game of cat and mouse with, though their game sometimes it was hard to tell who was the cat and who was the mouse. Nobody had Hux’s tenaciousness only to be matched by his surprising submissiveness and sweet desire. 

Nobody was like Hux. And nobody was like Ren. The galaxy was unbalanced without them, with or without the Force. 

Hux's skin was always pale, but it wasn’t supposed to be this pale. There was supposed to be a flush across his face when Ren whispered things into his ear and little bruises on his neck from loving bites. 

It hurt. It hurt too much for Kylo to bear. He had no motivation to go get a Wayfinder if, at the end of it all, he didn’t have his precious General to see afterward. He didn’t care that he and Hux argued and often felt like they were divorced from one another: Hux was special to him. He wasn’t a Force user or a legacy, he was just himself and the star aligned so they could meet and be together. Hux never expected him to be anyone but Kylo Ren. And, most importantly, Hux looked upon the Skywalkers with the same disdain Ren wished everyone else would. 

They were a match, and now Ren was utterly alone. 

“Don’t do this to me,” Ren cried out angrily, gripping the side of the table tighter than he should’ve. “How dare you leave me!”

He was shouting at Hux fruitlessly. Hux would never hear him, and he couldn’t even argue back. Ren imagined that Hux would’ve said something along the lines of ‘I am not yours’ with a little red blush in his cheeks. 

He sobbed hopelessly. He had refused to cry for a long time, knowing it was a weak act, but he couldn’t help it. He needed Hux. He never received Hux’s full admiration and that hurt him greatly. He just needed more time. 

Ren felt guilty for not killing Rey sooner now. At least that would’ve taken away part of the chill between his relationship with Hux. He had lost the Resistance again and now, he figured, it would be a long time before he could properly get his revenge. The revenge he wanted had to be methodically designed. Simply blowing them up wouldn’t be enough for him. They had to know how their action killed the only man suitable to kiss his lips and be at his side.

“It’s not fair,” Ren cried to the galaxy. He almost thought he heard the galaxy answering back _‘I know I know’_ like a mother who found her son lamenting over the death of the family pet. 

“He was _mine_ ,” he growled out, slamming his fist into the side of the table then immediately regretting it. He looked up quickly to make sure Hux had not been disturbing but the man remained stiff. 

Death was a strange concept to Force users. Some of them lived through the Force, becoming ghosts who came when someone truly needed them or who haunted the plains of existence that people dared to look for them in. Some Force users decided death was below them and tried to come back time and time again, such as Palpatine whose great dark side powers let him travel through vessels and reinvent himself. And some Force users only wanted to raise the dead but, alas, nobody that Ren was aware of had ever succeeded. The Force did not like it when Force-nulls tried to feed off its powers. 

_You need him back._

“I need him.” 

_They took him away from you_. 

“Fucking bastards… I’ll kill them all. This galaxy is mine. It was _ours_ , Hux,” Ren cried. Truthfully, Ren wouldn’t have shared complete power but he would’ve been willing to make Hux comfortable and watch over things Ren knew befit Hux’s intelligence. 

_Take him back_.

“I… don’t know how.”

 _Come to me_. 

_Be with me. Be with me._

Ren realized he wasn’t imagining the voice, someone was calling to him. He gritted his teeth and stood up slowly, his hands still resting near the corpse’s side. 

He swallowed roughly and took a moment to try to gain his composure. Taking in a deep breath and closing his eyes, he opened himself to the Force.

“You will not trick me,” Ren said firmly. A dark laugh echoed in his ears. 

“ _I have no reason to.”_ He had a hunch who was tempting him; it wasn’t hard to assume. The void of the dark side always had that similar tempter who knew how to pull the strings of its powers. Ren wanted that power and influence. He thought he deserved it. 

“Right, you and the rest of the galaxy,” Ren snapped, remembering every broken promise and alliance that he ever tried to maintain. 

It never worked. It didn’t work with Luke or his parents or Snoke or Rey; the only moon he continued to orbit around him was Hux and someone had taken his moon and smashed it to bits. Hux couldn’t escape his gravity, but he could be dead within it. 

“ _You want him back_.” The voice stated without a hint of temptation. It was merely a fact. 

“...yes.” 

“ _At what cost_?” Ren scoffed.

“Not my own, if that’s what you are insisting,” Ren said selfishly. That assumed the void; Ren wanted Hux back badly but he wouldn’t risk himself to do it.

“ _It will only cost a little blood._ ”

“Doesn’t it always?” Ren grumbled. 

“ _It has to be yours. But is that what Armitage wants?_ ” 

Ren thought it was a strange question; who wouldn’t want to live again? Perhaps it was because he knew he’d be molecules in the Force when he died that he wasn’t entirely uncomfortable with death. It wasn’t exactly dying, though it wasn’t like being among the living. 

His base assumption is that Hux did want to live again. He was sure his plan wasn’t to be blasted by Pryde in the chest. He was sure Hux’s soul was screaming in rage, desiring to get his revenge on Pryde for breaking apart his plan so easily. 

He could keep Pryde alive and offer him up on a platter for Hux to finish off after he brought him back. Hux would be so grateful. Then again, Kylo was enraged that Hux would betray him so blatantly. He wanted a way to simultaneously get Hux’s gratitude and his whimpering as he begged for Kylo’s forgiveness. 

“ _Please Ren,”_ he imagined Hux saying after being risen from the dead, “ _I’ve forgotten my place. I won’t be so foolish. I need you.”_

_I need you, I need you, I need you—_

The thought would’ve excited him more if he still wasn’t standing next to Hux’s literal corpse. Every second that went by was a second that Hux decayed underneath his calloused fingertips. 

The Shadow provided, the previous master of the Knights of Ren once told him. The Shadow of the dark side was powerful, ruthless, and giving to those who could handle its teeth and pay its prices. Ren did not care much for prices as long as he remained in charge. 

“Armitage belongs with me, Shadow,” Ren replied firmly. “Bring him to me, and I will bring you a Jedi’s soul.” 

The being talking to him was a mixture of voices he knew. He was sure Palpatine’s manipulative voice was in there, but it was the dark side that was truly beckoning for him. Palpatine may have been a powerful Sith, but a Sith, just like a Jedi, is a vessel to the Force’s whims. They chose how far they reached into the light and dark, but in the end, it was the Force that commanded them if they could not hang onto their souls. 

He would sacrifice much to bring his General back. There were many legends of Sith and Jedi trying to bring their loved ones back. Ren knew they couldn’t commit to the transformation that it would cost. Kylo Ren could, though. He was the Supreme Leader of the galaxy, whatever he wanted he would receive. And if he couldn’t get it, then it was more useful as a pawn to later throw away.

Kylo Ren was not done with using Hux. He didn’t give Hux permission to die. With that, he let the Shadow show him how to begin his new game: reminding Hux who would be his end, his beginning, and his everything.

//—-//

He had once heard a story from Ren— the original Ren, that is— about the butterfly being an omen of death. Kylo scoffed at the story, finding insects to be gross and simple, as they were designed to be. Ren insisted that the dark side of the Force had its favorite little bug that was attracted to the scent of the Shadow. 

He saw these bugs on Yomi. It was just a butterfly, and yet there was something eerie about the flap of its wings. Many of them laid dead on Yomi’s earth when they arrived. 

There was a planet near Exegol where several Sith had come to put their blood into the dirt and build temples to the Shadow. The Knights of Ren told Kylo that the previous Master, a man who merely went by Ren, had come to this place and bartered with the dark side. The Knights of Ren, who were always stoic and brave, seemed discomforted when arriving on the dark planet near Exegol. 

The planet was still a ways away from Exegol; there was no possible way of spotting it or knowing where it was without specific guidance. The Force told him the way, as long as he was willing to listen to its whispers without descending into a new level of insanity. The whisper reminded him of a bit of Snoke, yet there was a creepy severity to it that even made Ren feel threatened. Snoke’s presence had always felt like guidance. This presence felt like a flytrap’s sweet nectar. 

On the small, stormy planet of Yomi was the remnant of an old Sith temple. The Sith Temple was still standing and barely withered despite the rough winds and constant downpour beating down on the planet. 

The temple was made of a black storm that shimmered as the grey world stared down upon it.

Despite the rain and the lowlight, the Knights of Ren and their master landed in Yomi with a floating pod. They landed as close to the temple as they could before heading out into the rain. 

They pushed a floating pod through the rain and mud, their feet sinking with every step. The pod floated about a foot off the ground and was cold to the touch. The Knights carefully guided their master’s special treasure toward the temple and up the stairs, making sure the pod did not so much as bump into anything lest they wish to see Kylo’s fury. 

Once they entered the temple, a few of the knights squeezed the water from their robes and wiped the droplets off of the pod. Kylo went up to the pod and his knights backed up, wary. 

Ren wiped the icy fog from the glass window and peered in to see Hux’s corpse. It was being frozen to prevent decay, but even the pod had a limited lifespan of charge on its own. Freezing Hux’s body was taking immense power so he had no time to waste. 

In the back of the room, there was a raised platform with a black stone slab table sitting on top of it. All across the floor was strange carvings of a lost Sith language. Though Ren didn’t know the language, he could only assume the words were threats and chants. 

Ren carefully opened the pod up, feeling the icy chill from inside blow into his face and leak across the room. Gently, he picked up Hux’s cold, dead body and carried him to the table. He wished Hux could hear his heartbeat and feeling his loving heat, but alas he contrasted Hux in every way including warmth. 

He remembered nights where he just laid and held Hux’s soft, skinny body against his own. He often disliked that Hux smelled of caf when he put his nose in the other man’s hair, so Ren had replaced many of Hux’s regulatory soaps and shampoos with something that smelled sweet. Hux certainly didn’t have a smell now, just a chilling aura.

Ren laid Hux on the table, making sure every limb and hair didn’t hit the stone too hard. Ironically, Ren felt like he was treating Hux’s corpse better than his living body. At least, that’s what he thought Hux would say. 

There was an ugly, crusty wound in the middle of Hux’s chest where Pryde had blasted him. Blaster wounds cauterized, which was better than just having a huge gaping hole in one’s body, but it was still disturbing to look at. The medical droids had done some diligent cleaning to make Hux’s dead body at least somewhat presentable, but he was still wounded in his leg and stomach. 

Completely naked, Hux’s stomach faced up toward the ceiling. In the ceiling, there was a dagger stuck into a black rock that looked like a cave’s ceiling rather than a built structure. Ren used the Force to pull the dagger from its place and put it into his hand. The Knights of Ren cautiously stood around the table but didn’t take a step onto the platform where Ren was. 

Ren removed his gloves and looked at his hand. He was alive; this was it felt like to be alive. He didn’t think about it often. 

He put this knife to his bare hand and sliced the blade across his palm, wincing but never letting out a sound. He let his blood drip into the General’s white corpse, bringing some color back onto him.

Ren’s blood flowed onto Hux’s chest wound like a faucet dripping into the drain. 

The Knights were murmuring to themselves, reciting the words they were taught to say to encourage the Force to bring Hux back to their master. Ren stuck the dagger into the edge of his table, its sharp edges still soaked with his blood. Ren let his cut bleed onto the floor carelessly. 

He produced a piece of an ancient crystal that he had stolen from Mustafar. It was said to be a piece of the Bright Star, a crystal that had turned Mustafar into a hellish landscape after a woman tried to use it to bring her lover back to life. She wasn’t capable of using it correctly, but Ren felt like he was able. 

The dark side whispered to him, instructing Ren to put the piece of crystal into Hux’s mouth. Ren carefully parted Hux’s lips with his hand, dropping in the crystal, and shut the dead man’s mouth quickly. He cringed as he did it; he wasn’t usually squeamish but opening a corpse’s mouth didn’t exactly bring him any joy. It felt like a discretion of something he loved. 

Ren could not speak the Sith language required to invoke the Shadow to do his bidding, but his presence was persuasive enough. The Force twisted in the Sith space, its energy changing from neutral to dark within a matter of seconds. Ren placed his bloody hand onto Hux’s chest.

“Bring him back,” Ren demanded of the Force. 

He looked out the large, open windows ahead of him and saw that the rain had stopped completely despite it pouring down only a few moments ago. He sensed something above him and looked up to see several blue-winged insects resting on the ceiling. They weren’t there before. Ren thought it was a strange thing for the Force to send to them. What did bugs with glowing blue wings have to do with it?

One of the butterflies fluttered down and rested near Hux’s stomach wound. The wound looked nothing like a flower, and yet the butterfly was looking for nectar to drink, eyeing the blood Ren split like it was sweet. Ren repressed the urge to swat the creature away, feeling as though the bugs were supposed to be there.

“Bring him to me,” Ren said through his teeth.

 _Be with me, be with me, be with him_ Ren called to the dark side of the Force, the side where Palpatine kept pieces of his soul and Vader kept his strength and sanity with him. 

Suddenly, a bolt of lightning struck outside, making them all flinch. The butterflies quickly fluttered about, also startled. Ren wanted to crush them but felt strange dark energy from them. He wondered if the previous Master of the Knights of Ren had encountered these creatures or if he was telling fibs, taunting Ren with stupid memories from his past that weren’t entirely individualistic to just him. 

It was quiet as all the insects left the room. Ren and his knights stood quietly, feeling the Force hum in acknowledgment of their presence. 

For a moment, Kylo felt hopeless. He would not break down in front of his knights, but he was tempted to rage in front of them and curse out the dark side for not giving him enough. If Palpatine, or whoever, had merely wanted to watch him squirm, there were other ways to achieve that. Tempting him with Hux’s life wouldn’t make him uncomfortable: It would just make him mad. He loved the power of the dark side, so there was no use in trying to bring him towards it or change his attitude. 

Something moved below him, and Hux looked down. He didn’t know when he got there, but there was a large crack in the stone table. The table was still together as one and was able to support Hux’s body, but Ren knew it wasn’t there before. 

His hand had risen ever so slightly, but not because Ren moved.

Hux had moved. He had taken the smallest, slightest breath that only Ren could see and sense.

His eyes widened, and he let the dark side slither into both of them. 

Ren didn’t obey the Shadow, because he was a Knight of Ren. He merely commanded it. Just as he commanded Hux to breathe once more and beg for his forgiveness. 

_I’m with you,_ the Shadow answered back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the mind games zone! This fic will feature some unhealthy relationship dynamics and some general paranoia so be warned. Also, there (eventually) will be some Poe x Hux content in this too so I hope y'all like it! but yes, Kylo Ren is a tricky man, and Hux, well, will have to face the consequences of being in his proximity. 
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr [@starryartemis](https://starryartemis.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Follow me on Twitter [@truemoongoddess](https://twitter.com/truemoongoddess)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to my out season spooky fanfic! thanks for all the support, I hope you all enjoy this! 
> 
> Please leave a comment and a kudos, it means a lot!
> 
> In come the Resistance...
> 
> tw: temporary blindness/sensory deprivation, mentions of illness

There was something blinking off the radar of the _Skywalker Legend_. 

The ship's name (a rather unfortunate one, some might say) was chosen by Rey and Finn approximately six seconds after Leia Organa told them to use it. Poe Dameron found the name to be quite cheesy to which Rose Tico agreed to loudly. They were semi-banned from using the _Millennium Falcon_ after Poe nearly crashed it into the side of a building, which was evidently the last straw from Chewbacca. Though, Poe did say it was a joint effort between him and Rey, which Rey immediately denied. 

The ship was rather nice and cozy. It was perfect for families who rather live their life in space floating in their own private ship-hope rather than adhere to one planet or a star destroyer. It had functioning shields, several sleeping quarters, weapons, and even a little charging station for BB units that looked more like a loth cat house. BB-8 had grown to love the charging station.

It had been a few days since their journey to Kimiji and the _Steadfast_. They were all still a bit tense about almost dying on the _Steadfast_. Finn and Rey, as close as they were, felt a chill between them that wouldn't go away no matter how confident they were in one another. Rey knew Finn was concerned about what Ren was doing to her emotionally and mentally, whereas Rey was concerned that Finn wouldn’t think she was capable of caring for herself. 

The group of four, plus Poe’s little droid, were returning from a mission to gather weaponry from an intercepted First Order shipment. The weapons sat below deck in a storage hold; each box was checked thrice for any gadgets that may blow them to pieces or track their location. Rose checked the boxes herself, wary of Finn and Poe’s willingness to trust such a wretched man. Rose thought she could be more thorough than the boys.

She didn’t like that the information was sent from their ‘spy’ again, a spy that was apparently shot in the leg for the years he spent as a General. Rose didn’t like that Finn and Poe would trust General Hux in any capacity, even if he did give the Resistance useful information. Finn only vaguely approved of Hux’s betrayal, believing that Hux’s pettiness surely did override his loyalty. Poe, though, felt more like a wild card in taking in Hux’s information. 

They were all in a subtle stand-off against one another. Rey against Finn in the awkwardness about talking about Force-related stuff, Poe against Finn with their agreeability on the Hux issue, Rose weary of Rey's intentions upon learning how she helped Kylo Ren, and so on. They all were friends still, but it was becoming exceedingly strange to sit in silence with one another. 

It had been uncomfortably quiet between them at times until a red light flashed on their radar. 

They were all lounging about: Rey was entertaining Finn and BB-8 by showing them how she could crush metal cans with the Force. Finn chuckled, but BB-8 seemed offended. 

“I’m not going to do that to a droid BB-8,” Rey assured.

The droid beeped, complaining that she should be more considerate about things that could be feature droid parts. BB-8 was teasing her, but he was quite convincing in his argument. 

“I lived on Jakku, remember? I know all about reusing parts,” Rey said proudly. Her life as a scavenger felt strange in comparison to her short time as a Jedi. She felt as though the past was long ago when realistically she had only just entered this rebellious life. 

“I still can’t believe you zapped me,” Finn joked to the droid. BB-8 made a sound akin to a droid’s version of a giggle. 

They weren’t bored, but they were finding it hard to be focused or find a stable sense of joy on their mission. It felt like General Organa was giving them busy work so they’d all work out their issues. Finn wanted to talk to Rey about her woes, but he also knew he had to respect her space. Still, he worried that giving her too much space would leave her vulnerable to the dark side’s whispers. She was strong, he knew, but they were all unfamiliar about what the dark side could do to someone. All they knew was that Kylo Ren welcomed the dark side with open arms, and he used it to rule the galaxy and murder villages. 

Rose stepped into the room, appearing frazzled. Rey and Finn looked back at her, watching her chest rise and fall unsteadily. Before they could ask her what was wrong, she spoke. 

“There’s something in our path,” Rose told them.

“What do you mean?” Finn asked.

“I don’t know it’s… it’s like a pod. Our radar picked its signal up and we can literally see it from the cockpit. Poe wants to bring it on the ship,” Rose explained. Rey and Finn shared curious glances between one another.

“It’s not garbage?” Rey asked, a bit of the scavenger in her wondering if it was worth anything.

“No, it’s,” Rose shifted uncomfortably, “giving off a signal that usually tells us that someone is in distress. That someone is inside.” 

They didn’t know what else to do rather than get up and go to the cockpit. It wasn’t unlike them to get sidetracked on other missions and help other people, but they were perplexed why Rose seemed so uncomfortable. 

Poe pointed at the white egg-shaped pod that was floating aimlessly outside their window. It had several blinking lights on it but there was no way to see into it from where they were. 

“It could be a smaller alien species,” Rose suggested as they tried to deduce why the pod was in their way and asking for help.

“I’m telling you, why don’t we just bring it on board!” Poe said, throwing his hands up. Finn and Rey figured that Rose and Poe had differing opinions on helping whatever was in the pod.

“No offense, I love helping people but we are also in a war, and I rather not bring anything on board that doesn’t like the Resistance,” Rose said.

“If it’s an alien species I doubt they would like the First Order,” Finn grumbled, but they all heard it and had to agree with his logic. 

“The ship can pull the pod into the docking bay,” Poe said, flicking a few switches. He looked over his shoulder at Rey. “Listen, I love the _Falcon_ but this thing has some great devices.”

Rey frowned. “You mean devices that would’ve prevented you from crashing her?”

“It was a group effort!” Poe was dramatically exasperated. Rey let out a chuckle. 

They worked together to haul in the distressed pod, pulling into the ship using the mechanisms of its magnets and tracker beams. It wasn’t difficult to get the pod on board, they were just worried they were further distressing whoever or whatever was inside. 

Once the pod was pulled into the ship’s small docking bay, the four of them rushed down to see what was inside. They were a bit childish about the whole endeavors as if they had dug up some buried treasure. The four of them crowded around the white pod, staring at it with equal parts curiosity and nervousness. 

The green lights on it strobed steadily which seemed like a good thing given most designers never used green to signify warning. There were a few small red lights on the pod, but they didn’t seem to tell of any issues. They had no way to look into the pod without opening it, suggesting it was not a small alien ship at all. 

Poe traced his fingers on the white pod's sleek surface and found a square button near the base. He tried to press it but realized it was stuck. 

“There’s a button here but it won’t budge. I probably need to unlock something else first,” Poe explained. They all began to look around the pod for another latch. 

Rey felt a cold chill at the back of her neck and scratched it. She stared at the pod, beginning to remember when she transported herself to Kylo Ren in an effort to bring him back to the light. It was a bit foolish, she knew, but she couldn’t look at him without thinking about Leia’s wishes to have her son back. He stuck a lightsaber through Han Solo’s heart and she hated him for that; she wished she couldn’t feel empathy for him at all. 

Then she thought about the pod in front of her and felt her face go white. 

It was merely a feeling, yet she couldn’t help but think Kylo Ren was watching them. 

She couldn’t speak out against them before Poe found the second latch and opened the pod. It hissed as it opened, warm air emitting from it. 

Poe and Finn gasped at the sight of what was inside. Rose and Rey were on the opposite side of the opened door, unable to share the men’s shock at the moment. They moved around to see what was the cause to leave the two men so flabbergasted.

Inside the pod, curled up like a child in a deep sleep, was a man with skin as white as snow. He wore a black sweater and long socks, but he had boxers on rather than pants over them. His bright red hair contrasted him, looking more lively than the man himself.

It only took them all a quick second to realize the man in the pod was General Hux of the First Order. 

“Oh shit,” Poe swore as they all stared at the sleeping man with wide eyes. 

There were sensors inside the pod, monitoring Hux’s health and even his temperature. His heartbeat seemed rather slow but his internal temperature seemed right. There was a bandage on his left thigh from where Finn shot him, but other than that he seemed rather exposed. He looked almost peaceful and innocent as if he didn’t have a large hand in taking out five planets. 

They all glanced among one another, unsure of what to do. Whatever this was, they knew it couldn’t be a good sign.

“Should we space him?” Rose murmured.

“Rose!” Poe exclaimed. She shrugged her shoulders.

“I mean, if he was thrown out into space I’m going to say that they found out he betrayed the First Order,” Finn deduced easily. It unnerved him to see General Hux look so exposed. He seemed like an entirely different person with his hair loose and his clothes wrinkled.

“But why leave him alive?” Rey asked. “I didn’t think that the order was particularly kind to… traitors.” 

Rey awkwardly looked at Finn who bristled at her for relating the two of them. Rey didn’t mean to think about them both in a similar relation, but she knew that Kylo had called Finn a traitor. It didn’t seem far off he’d call Hux one too before sending him off. 

“Maybe someone tried to save him from his fate,” Poe offered. 

“Or maybe they just thought it was more torturous to leave him in an egg until the oxygen ran out,” Finn said, scratching the back of his head. “What the hell are we gonna do?”

“We could bring him to Leia. I’m sure he has a lot of useful information, and I don’t think he’s too keen on letting Ben get his way,” Rey said.

“...Ben?” Rose asked cynically, a little sneer across her face. Rey looked at her feet. 

“Kylo Ren,” Finn said softly as a correction. 

“Anyway!” Poe exclaimed, trying to diffuse the situation. “I think we should put him in the little medbay this ship has. Monitor him and stuff. He did technically help us, so I think we could slightly return the favor by at least hearing how he got spaced.”

“We don’t owe him anything, he is a genocidal maniac that merely got mad another genocidal maniac became his boss,” Finn said. Poe nodded his head from side to side. 

“Aren’t you a bit curious about what happened after we left?” 

“I mean sure but how do we know he’s not gonna try to kill all of us when he wakes up?”

“I don’t think this man is really in the position to kill anyone with the four of us and his probably very weak body,” Poe said. They couldn’t help but agree.

To some extent, they did feel bad for Hux having to work under Ren. It probably was not a great environment for either of them. Hux did assist them, whether it was for petty reasons or not, so they all agreed to at least stick Hux in the medbay and wait for him to wake up. 

They thought he would be at least useful in telling General Organa any information that could assist the Resistance. Their last message from him was about the shipment they had stolen, so they concluded there had to be a period of time where Hux was able to slip out undetected to send more information before Ren spaced him. 

The foursome pushed the pod into the small medbay on their ship and all worked together to put Hux up on the medical bed. None of them were medical professionals, so they retrieved a small floating med droid to take care of most of the handy work. 

BB-8 used his internal key to turn on the med droid, telling it what Poe told him about Hux’s condition. The little med droid beeped and booted up a monitor and began sticking all sorts of tubes and patches onto Hux’s body to check his health. 

“This is a bit strange,” Rey said as they watched the droid poke and prod at Hux’s sleeping body. 

“Why did someone put him in a sweater and socks but not give him pants?” Poe asked. Rey raised an eyebrow.

“Why are you assuming someone dressed him?”

“Have you seen anything about this guy? He’s so strait-laced that the stick up his ass is long enough to keep his back stiff.”

“What? That doesn’t even make sense,” Finn said. Rose rolled her eyes and walked off back to the cockpit, deciding that she didn’t want to watch the First Order General any longer. 

The trio didn’t say anything as Rose walked off. They understood that the situation was beyond strange and unnerving. Rey still couldn’t help but feel like they were being watched by an outside force. Or, perhaps, she was beginning to feel the effects of how her actions made her friends look at her was a worried eye. Anytime she brought up Ren, she knew they became curious as to why she had tried to help him. It was a betrayal to the three of them to try to help the man after all Ren had done and all he continued to be a part of. She knew she was being naive, and here she felt the most naive of all as she looked down at Hux’s body.

Hux looked more like a corpse than a breathing person, but he was, in fact, still breathing. 

“Should someone watch him?” Finn questioned, feeling a chill tickle his spine. “In case he wakes up and immediately tries to arm himself, you know?” 

“Maybe. I think the droid will alert us if he does, and he probably won’t be too lucid when he wakes up anyway,” Poe said, leaning down and patting BB-8 on the head like a loth cat as the droid beeped in concern. “I know buddy. He won’t do anything.” 

They all let out an unsteady sigh, not wanting to stay in the room with him but also not wanting to let him leave their sightline. Instead, Rey cuffed one of Hux’s arms to the medical bed’s side post to prevent him from getting too far. The tether of the cuff was long enough so he wouldn’t hurt him, but it was too short for him to escape. 

The little med droid continued to tend to Hux as they all left the room, turning the lights to low. Poe looked back over his shoulder at the sleeping General, wondering why his proximity to the General didn’t make him feel nervous at all. 

//—-// 

Something was crawling inside his chest. There was no telling if it was a snake or a creature with tiny legs but he could feel it lurking within his stomach and climbing into his chest. 

There was nothing but darkness around him, his mind trying to flash through memories and create any visuals but failing completely. Then, he could hear it, the soft hum of a ship and the blinking of some sort of monitor. The noise sounded so distant that he hardly picked it up.

Something felt horribly wrong. There was no coherent way to describe it. He thought he was having sleep paralysis, though he never had that. He rarely remembered when he slept. He had no dreams, and the nightmares he had passed by so quickly that he felt its sting but couldn’t remember what had displayed its stringer to him. One moment he was awake and the next he was awake again, having heard the sound of his alarm going off for his next shift. 

He realized he was breathing for some reason. It came to him like a shock. His throat began to tighten and he began to move about, although in his half-asleep state he couldn’t tell if he was actually moving or if his body was imagining he was moving. He had once read that people interpreted sleep paralysis as a way for your soul to leave your body and travel as you slept. It sounded like mythical nonsense. 

Then, the fire began to burn. He felt the heat begin to envelop him, starting at his toes and burning all the way up into his face. He couldn’t tell if he was breathing any longer and helplessly, and wordlessly, called out for anything to assist him. But he has no voice, and he was unsure if he was making a sound. 

_You’re alive,_ something whispered in his ear. He wasn’t sure if it was his own thought or someone else’s. Sometimes Ren would put things in his head, forcing Hux to hear the man’s voice without his lips ever moving and see images he would rather not ever have to see.

Then he remembered him: Kylo Ren. A phantom of all his troubles and a dark magician that made him stop breathing or even fall to his knees. Expect, he didn’t remember much about what had happened. He couldn’t think much at all.

But the heat was becoming unbearable. He could hear alarms begin to go off, the monitor blaring with fast beeps. He opened his mouth to breathe but again couldn’t tell if he actually was.

The fire was the hottest in his chest. His heart was like a solid rock in his chest, weighing him down from reaching cool air.

 _Help me, stop this!_ he called out. He swore something, heard him, and smiled, but he wasn’t sure what would’ve given him that assumption.

He could hear the familiar sound of a door sliding open and boots squeaking against the floor. Was it Ren? Was it a doctor? 

“Oh fuck,” he heard the voice say. It was male and familiar, but it wasn’t Ren’s. He was too worked up to analyze the voices that clearly. He just wanted to be free of the pain inside him. 

Something touched his arm and he felt the cold fingertips instantly vanish. He wished he could reach out and have the chill return to him. He needed it desperately. 

“He’s scalding!” the same voice whined.

“The monitor is reading his internal temperature is way too hot!” another voice, female this time, fretted. “Is that humanly possible?”

“I don’t know! We have to do something!” the man said in a panic. 

_Yes, please!_ he called out but realized they didn’t hear him. 

Poe Dameron and Rey were both staring down at Hux, who was squirming and panting in his bed. He couldn’t see them or properly hear them, but they could see him in all his flushed glory. The ex-general looked like he was trying to crawl out of his own skin, twitching from side to side and letting out pitiful whimpers. 

“What if he has something highly contagious?” Rey said, searching around the room for something, anything, that could stop the former General from seizing. She thought even an ice pack would help. Perhaps they should dunk him in an ice bath, though there was only one shower with real water. 

“Negative,” the little med droid beeped out. Its voice wasn’t comforting, and it looked old. “Patient has no known diseases. An undiagnosed or foreign illness is plaguing the patient. Nothing in my database leads to one answer.” 

“Well do you know anything?!” Poe yelled, trying to reattach some of the wires Hux had pulled off in his tossing and turning. 

“Patient’s temperature is higher than most illnesses would allow most humans to survive. Sensors are reading that he is semi-conscious. No known pathogens detected,” the droid explained, which only stressed the two of them out more. 

“Can’t you use the Force or something?!” Poe said, turning to Rey.

“I can’t use the Force to treat an illness! I don’t know how to do that,” she said irritably. 

“Try something! Calm his mind!” Poe told her, running a hand through his hair. 

“I don’t—” she shut up when Poe went over and grabbed Hux’s hand, squeezing it as if to coax the man into relaxation. She didn’t know why she was so appalled at the sight; she didn’t think Poe would show such kindness to Hux. 

Much to their surprise, Poe’s touch seemed to activate Hux’s eyes to open. They both gasped and Poe almost pulled away, but Hux squeezed his hand. 

Hux’s eyes flashed anxiously from side to side and his breathing remained rough. The monitor did say his temperature went down slightly which was progress.

Poe leaned over Hux but the man wouldn’t look at his face. His eyes remained unfocused and darting around.

“Hugs, can you see him?” Poe asked, but Hux wouldn’t respond. Poe snapped his fingers in front of Hux’s face, but even then the man didn’t notice. “His eyes are open but I don’t think he can see me.” 

“Did someone make him blind?” Rey murmured, a bit frightened. Did Kylo do that? Did he have the ability to blind others? 

Theoretically, anyone could find the means to blind someone else if they found the effort, but Rey didn’t think Ren would methodically do that to someone. The man had some semblance of patience, though very minimal. He’d most likely use the Force to torture others as he did with Poe. 

“I-I don’t know,” Poe stuttered, appearing genuinely concerned. Rey didn’t blame him, the sight was scary and pitiful. Hux was genuinely frightened and helpless at the moment, she didn’t know what else to feel rather than bad for him. 

Hux’s right hand, his free one, suddenly reached up and collided with Poe’s cheek. Poe flinched but didn’t turn away, realizing that Hux was surprised that he had found someone to touch. The man’s breathing began to even out as he pushed his fingers lightly into Poe’s skin, feeling the light stubble on his face and realizing something human was with him. 

Hux’s face was still twisted in concern and fright, but he did look somehow relieved and grateful someone was there. Poe’s cheek warmed at being the focus of someone’s damsel in distress routine. Rey found the scene to still be perplexing but understood that Hux’s mind was completely out of the loop and his senses were cut off from him. 

“That’s right, I’m right here,” Poe said assuredly, even though he didn’t know if Hux could hear him. Hux was still a bit hot to the touch, but he wasn’t burning like before. “It’s me, Hugs. Dameron. Your favorite person.”

Rey raised an eyebrow and approached the two of them cautiously. She put her hands out, quietly offering Poe her help using the Force. He nodded then looked back at Hux who seemed unaware of her presence.

“Hey buddy, uh Rey is here and I know we all aren’t exactly the best of friends but she’s gonna try to help you, okay? Just relax and she’s gonna gently touch your head so don’t freak out,” Poe told him, though there was no way of telling that he heard him. 

Rey let in a deep breath then slowly placed her fingers to Hux’s temples, letting him get used to her touch first. With a gentle push of the Force, she peered inside his mind. She couldn’t dig around too much without hurting him, especially since he couldn’t exactly consent to freeing his own mind, so she did her best to find a root problem or calm him. 

His mind was like lightning and static: It shocked her and somehow stung to look around. She saw darkness in his head like some sort of parasite was rooting around and making a home in his memories. She didn’t know if it was a literal sickness she saw or if this was the work of the dark side of the Force. It felt horribly wrong, whatever it was. 

_Hux, it’s Rey. I’m from the Resistance. We aren’t going to hurt you_ , she sent into his mind. 

Suddenly, she felt like the pressure was getting more suffocating, and she felt like she was getting crushed under the air. The longer she stayed in his mind, the more of the mysterious energy enveloping his head began to try to scratch her like a fetal loth cat. She saw flashes of images: a blue insect flying, a flash of silver metal, a black cape swooping over him, and Hux crying out, _what are you doing, Ren?_

She realized that something was watching her as she looked into Hux’s head and quickly pulled him into an abrupt calmness and pulled out of his head.

Hux’s head lulled to the side and he appeared to have fallen back asleep because of Rey’s influence. His hand fell from Poe’s face. Poe released his hold on Hux, staring at Rey a bit flabbergasted. 

“What did you do?” Poe asked her.

She sighed harshly through her nostrils. “I just… made him sleep again. There’s something really wrong with him. Like in his head.”

“I mean sure…”

“No, I mean… like there’s actually something plaguing his mind. I don’t know if it’s a Force thing or trauma but he probably won’t be doing well when he wakes up again,” Rey explained. She didn’t know what she saw or how to explain it. It just felt wrong. 

“Right, let's just… go back on course I guess. And fill Rose and Finn in. I don’t think they wanna go anywhere near here already,” Poe said, looking back at Hux with a worried glance. He put a hand to Hux’s forehead, still feeling the warmth. “Hang in there, Hugs.” 

Rey and Poe left afterward, spooked but pretending not to be to not worry Finn and Rose. They returned to the cockpit, quiet about the strange occurrence. 

In the medbay, Hux was in a deep sleep thanks to Rey. Her influence gave him a moment of calm. 

He dreamt that he was sitting on the floor of the bridge on the _Finalizer_ , alone and at ease. In his dream, Ren came up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder. Hux tried to shrug him off but Ren wouldn’t let go. 

“ _What?_ ” Hux asked him, watching the galaxy pass by. 

“ _Enough of this waiting. I command you to get up,_ ” Ren told him. Hux raised an eyebrow but stood up on his feet, facing Ren. Ren’s eyes looked darker than usual. He was sure Ren’s eyes were brown, not almost black. 

Ren gripped his shoulders and Hux squeaked out a whimpering, “ _Ren?_ ”

“ _Get up,”_ Ren demanded again. Hux looked to his feet as if to check if he wasn’t standing. 

_“I am._ ”

“ _No, get,”_ Ren put his fingers to his head forcefully, “ _up!_ ”

Hux opened his eyes and he could see a white ceiling. 

He could hear the beeping of a monitor. He turned his head to see his heart rate pulsating on a screen. 

He continued to stay on the bed, letting his senses return to him. He felt cold. He felt like he was missing something, but when he dug through his thoughts he realized he was missing parts of his memory. Where was he again? 

_Get up,_ a voice in his head called. He sat up slowly, only because he didn’t know what else to do. He realized his hand was chained to the side of his medical bed. He gave it a light tug.

He stared at the chain and suddenly it snapped in two, freeing him from his bed prison. He hadn’t forced it to break.

“Kylo?” he whispered, wondering if Ren was playing games with him. He frowned at the wall.

Nobody answered but he still felt like Ren was watching him. Who else would it be? He removed the patches and tubes sticking to him with painful yanks, not realizing it would cause the heart rate monitor to flatline. He flinched as the sound of him apparently having no heartbeat echoed around the room.

He slowly got out of the bed, realizing he had no pants for some reason. The sweater was long enough on this thin body to cover him, but he found it rather embarrassing to wear something that looked like a short dress.

Suddenly, the medbay door slid open. He stared into the bright eyes of a girl with brown hair tied into three buns. Her eyes were wide at the realization that Hux was up.

Hux’s body stilled. For some reason, something in his head told him he needed to hurt her. He knew they weren’t friends at all, yet he was perplexed by his instincts.

 _The scavenger destroyed everything_ , the voice said.

 _Did she?_ Hux asked back, his senses still feeling dull. 

_Destroy her too_. 

Hux wasn’t a robot, but he felt a strange sensation that told him he should comply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr [@starryartemis](https://starryartemis.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Follow me on Twitter [@truemoongoddess](https://twitter.com/truemoongoddess) I would love to see you all on Twitter!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope everyone is staying safe! I have returned from the ashes. This is late to say but damn can't believe Lego Kylux is canon lmao I can't get over that. Anyway back to the mind games...
> 
> leave a comment and a kudos! it means a lot
> 
> cw: vague references to dubious consent, mentions of unhealthy relationships

Rey and Hux silently stared at one another. The silence between them burned and flickered like a fire ready to grow and decimate its surroundings.

Hux noticed how her hand lingered on her hip close to her lightsaber. Her pale fingers twitched a little too close to it. Hux's reaction was to try to go feel for a hidden weapon but he remembered he had nothing on him; he was completely vulnerable with only his fists to guide him. He didn't think fist-fighting a Jedi was a good idea. 

Hux remembered he hated those who carried sabers: Jedi and Sith alike always peeved him and caused him trouble. Ren’s saber had torn through his ship time and time again, and Rey’s saber had sliced through Ren’s face causing the man to only become more violent. He wanted to blame her for all his misfortunes, yet all he could do was stare. As much as he disliked her, he knew she was the only one who could fair well against Ren. Hux wasn't sure if he liked that about her or if that was a reason for him to despise her. 

He didn’t know what to do rather than remain still. Rey’s lips were slightly parted. 

“You’re awake,” she said plainly. He flinched, unaware she had an accent similar to his. He wondered where she was from. He tried to remember, but his mind was coming up blank.

“Appears so.” Hux’s eyes twitched. His head hurt. Why was everything so bright?

Rey eyed the bed, seeing the broken chain. She suddenly realized that Hux still had the cuff around his wrist, her eyes widening. 

The man scratched anxiously at his palms. He knew she was analyzing him like a little lab rat. He hated it. He hated _her_.

“How did you?—” she began to ask. 

Poe suddenly burst into the room, having also heard the heart rate monitor flatline. There was something comforting about Poe’s presence to Hux, he just didn’t know what it was. The man was insufferable with his taunts and suave confidence, yet Hux knew Dameron was most likely the person he had to rely on. 

There was something in his head telling him that Dameron was important, but he didn’t know what for. Perhaps it was the mere familiarity of the man that comforted him; he remembered the excitement in Dameron’s eyes when Hux tensely told him and his friend that he was a spy. Hux did swell with a bit of pride at Dameron's initial amazement, forgetting for a moment he was doing it just to slash at Kylo Ren with whatever claws he had left. At this point, he was completely declawed. 

“Woah, Hugs you’re alive! I mean, awake,” Dameron gasped. Hux blinked blankly. 

_Hugs?_

Hux didn’t know what to say so he didn’t say anything. He didn’t feel threatened by them, yet he didn’t think it would be wise to trust them. 

Rey and Poe shared an uncomfortable glance at Hux’s silence. 

“Why don’t you sit back down,” Rey coaxed, more kindly than she needed to. Hux frowned at her. 

“You don’t command me,” Hux said bitterly.

“So he does speak,” Dameron teased. He took a step forward and Hux took a cautious step back, bumping into the bed behind him. 

“Don’t!” Hux warned, gripping the bed. Dameron put his hands up. Rey let Poe take the lead. 

“Woah, we aren’t here to hurt you,” Dameron said calmly. Hux grimaced at the inviting tone. He felt as though he was being talked down to. 

“Right, you and the Jedi girl are here to make friends with me. Where the kark am I?” Hux snapped, his shoulders stiff. 

Dameron put his hands to his hips. “Welcome aboard their _Skywalker’s Legend!”_

“...the what?” Hux stared at them incredulously. Dameron glanced back at Rey as if to say ‘told you it’s a weird name!’ 

“It’s our temporary ship. We picked up the shipment you told us to get. The weaponry,” Rey explained. 

Hux was still distracted by her accent. Was she of Imperial descent? It didn’t seem like it, yet Hux felt a weird connection to her he couldn’t explain. He didn't like that he felt somehow bound to them now. Ren would've explained it as some Force nonsense, but Hux thought he was both lucky and unlucky to be among the people who hated Ren the most yet felt compassionate enough to try to help their enemies. 

What weak-willed foolery.

“What weaponry?” Hux asked.

“The… you sent us another message, remember? After we left you on the _Steadfast_ , you sent a message warning us of a shipment of weapons we could use. You said basically you wanted to piss off Kylo Ren,” Dameron explained. Hux’s lips tightened and he tilted his head. Hux felt his heart skip a beat at hearing Ren’s name come off Dameron’s lips. He swallowed hard, finding that his throat felt very dry.

“I don’t remember that at all,” Hux admitted. “Honestly, I don’t remember much after you and the ex-stormtrooper left.” 

“His name is _Finn_ ,” Rey asserted harshly. Hux’s head snapped toward her in a way that almost seemed robotic. 

“Right then. Finn.” Rey was surprised Hux was quick to accept his name. Then again, she didn’t think he was in the fighting mood; his confusion was written all across his face. 

“So you don’t know how you got in that pod?” Dameron asked. 

“What pod?” Hux put his hand to his head and leaned against the bed, groaning. “Fuck…” 

Hux gave up his pride and sat back down on the bed, putting a hand to his forehead and rubbing it. He felt the loose strands of his hair against his head, realizing he was without his pomade. 

“Let’s take it one step at a time, I guess,” Dameron murmured, slowly approaching Hux. Hux didn’t move from his bed, though he was still wary of the Resistance members. “You ran a really hot fever earlier.”

“Did I?” Hux asked, though he wasn’t paying much attention. 

“Do you feel hot right now?” Hux thought it was a stupid question. 

“I actually am cold so if you are not planning on spacing me, I would like some pants,” Hux said, crossing his legs shyly. Rey and Poe awkwardly looked to the side, pretending they didn’t notice that Hux was in his briefs. 

They chose not to remind Hux about how frantic he was earlier. 

“We can work that out, I think,” Rey offered, but Hux didn’t think he was that convinced of them wanting to help him. 

“Who else is on this blasted ship?” Hux asked.

“Finn and Rose Tico. I think you met Rose on the… _Supremacy_ ,” Hux scowled at him from underneath his hands. “And my droid of course.” 

Poe grinned at him. Hux peeked through his fingers at Dameron’s million credit smile and looked away quickly. 

“Lovely. More people who want me dead.” 

“I think we can work out a deal. We promise to treat you as a refugee rather than a prisoner if you promise to sit still and not try to do anything,” Rey offered. Hux removed his hands from his face. 

“So then what? I’m assuming you are taking me to Organa.” 

“Well… yes.”

“So she can execute me for war crimes. Wonderful,” Hux said without much bite. Rey’s lips curled in displeasure. Without thinking, Dameron patted Hux’s shoulder. Hux didn’t move away but gave him an odd look. Dameron awkwardly retracted his hand. 

“I’m sure we can work something out,” Rey said. “You don’t have much of a choice anyway.” 

Hux’s lips tightened into a straight line. He scratched at his chest. He patted himself and looked down at the sweater he was wearing. Something felt… off. Hux couldn’t articulate what that was though.

“What?” Poe asked. 

“Oh uh, I don’t know. I just felt strange a moment,” Hux said dismissively. “Now, if you don’t mind, I need to lay down again.” 

“Sure buddy.” He sneered at Poe for using such a casual, friendly word with him.

Poe and Rey left, allowing for the doors to slide closed behind them. He was unsure why they wouldn’t cuff him back to the bed, but he assumed the Jedi girl would sense if he was plotting against them. They had also forgotten to remove the cuff that remained on his wrist.

Hux grabbed a scalpel he found and began fiddling with the cuff, twisting it into compartments and screws until it came loose and uselessly plopped on the floor. He stared at the shimmering blade, thinking about if he could safely store it somewhere. It would be a way to fruitlessly defend himself, but it was something in case things went to shit. Hux placed the scalpel down, convincing himself it would be better to gain the trust of the crew. There would be no way to fight his way out. He wondered if Rey would sense him plotting against them

Ren always seemed to sense it. Until it mattered the most. Hux wondered if Ren really didn't know that he was feeding the Resistance information or if Ren was just letting him feel a sense of accomplishment. It was all a game to Ren. As long as the man felt the more empowered, nothing else mattered. He did think he genuinely caught Ren by surprise with his betrayal, although he obviously didn't get to see Ren's actual reaction. It was probably devastating to watch. 

Somehow, Hux was hurt by the idea that Ren wouldn't care at all at his General's extreme efforts just to be petty. 

Ren always seemed to sense the slightest hitch in his voice. The man was ruthless in how close he forced himself to Hux. Ren knew when Hux was angry and either added to that anger or decided he was the man to fix it. Ren knew when Hux was drunk from across the ship and always seemed to check and make sure nobody would see his General inebriated (Hux also thought Ren might’ve been scared someone would take advantage of him). 

More importantly, to Ren at least, he could sense when Hux was lonely. Ren would always swoop at that moment and whisper sweet nothings to Hux. The man had a tongue that could manipulate Hux into lying back and being stripped; sometimes it was because Hux didn’t think there was an alternative option. What was wrong with letting his mind numb? Ren had a way of making him forget. 

Ren did have a sizable cock, but Hux wondered whether he was letting Ren have him or if he didn’t have another choice. Surely, he couldn’t be that desperate. Hux never asked about what was really going behind between him and Ren because he didn’t want to find out. 

Kylo Ren was an indisputable part of his life and now he wasn’t in sight. Even when Hux couldn’t see Ren, he always had a sense of where he could be. Now he was alone. Alone, yet surrounded by enemies. 

It felt unnatural that someone would just let him be alone. It almost made him miss Ren. He then gagged at the realization that he was thinking so much about Kylo. He needed to know where Ren was, but he also wanted to know what it felt to be without him. 

Hux didn’t know why, but he felt highly uncomfortable with Dameron being so friendly towards him. He understood that both of them felt sympathetic towards him and had at least a small reason to trust him, but Hux thought Dameron should’ve been acting like Rey. Rey, at the very least, was wary of him and knew he could bite. Hux groaned as he lied down, thinking that Dameron must’ve had some sort of hero complex. 

Despite Dameron’s overt kindness, he knew he had to be cautious of everyone on the ship. One wrong step and they could feel inclined to send him into the vacuum of space or not try to convince Leia Organa that he was worth keeping alive.

Then again, Hux didn’t feel quite alive. It felt like something was slightly wrong with his heart, but he could not articulate what. 

He put his hand to his chest and felt a shallow beat of his heart but he still didn’t think he felt as he usually did. Granted, he had been floating in the vacuum of space for however long. 

He realized he was thirsty and famished but didn’t want to ask for more things after he had asked for pants.

Hux rolled over in his bed, scratching his chest. The sweater was itchy and baggy; he certainly didn’t think it came from his closet. Neither were the high socks, though they fit him well. Who dressed him? Who shoved him in a pod? 

He shut his eyes, trying to relax his body before he overexerted himself. He had to create a plan of some sort to simultaneously stay alive and to either get on the Resistance’s good side or take over the ship. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that Organa would put him on the stand and sentence him to life in prison or even execution. Whatever opportunity was handed to him would be for nothing if he ended up perishing by some New Republic laws. 

He felt a slight pressure in his head and instinctively said, “Go away, Ren.”

It was quiet for a moment and then Hux shot up in his bed, realizing the severity of what he just said. 

He was thinking about Ren again, but he hadn’t truly thought about what Ren’s relation to the situation was. Frantically, he looked from side to side despite knowing Kylo Ren was not in the room. He knew that familiar push though— he knew how it felt to have Ren rooting through his mind like a child carelessly digging through their toy box. 

Hux clutched the thin bedsheets and swallowed hard, attempting to compose himself. He was trying to be rational. He knew Ren was powerful, but he was sure Ren’s power didn’t extend that far. The man couldn’t always find the Resistance, so he did have some limitations. Hux figured he had to be part of those limitations too. 

“Kylo?” he called softly again, wondering if he could lure Ren to him. He wasn’t sure if it was wise, but he was alone and confused and needed some sort of context.

Again, there was no answer other than a chill creeping at the back of his neck. He laid down and turned over, forcing himself to go back to sleep. 

It only took a few moments for him to fall asleep, not realizing how exhausted he was. He didn’t know why his body was so tired and why his heart felt like it was trying its best to survive. He attributed it to the anxiety of being on the Resistance ship, unsure of if they would truly show him mercy or make him suffer.

But Hux was patient, and he knew all about suffering. Whatever they threw at him, he knew it wouldn’t be worse than what he had already been through. He worked with Kylo for Sith’s sake, he had to deal with things the petulant Resistance members could only imagine.

 _But you liked it_ , a voice said. Hux felt his body freeze and his eyes opened. He couldn’t move and couldn’t speak. 

_Ren?_ He asked once more, but again he was met with silence. He hoped he was just imagining things once more. 

It was frustrating not getting a response. He didn’t know what Ren wanted from him, that is if the man was there at all. Hux didn’t want to think his mind was leaving him; his brain was all he had. If his intelligence slipped in any way, then he’d basically be useless. 

“ _You aren’t useless_ ,” Ren once told him in the quiet of his chambers. Ren had a habit of entering when he pleased. Hux remembered becoming still at the statement. 

_Leave me_ , Hux thought, wishing his memories of Kylo Ren would stop pestering him. He squeezed his arm as if the thoughts pained him.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed as he lied in bed, but he eventually heard the door slide open. He didn’t move but heard someone knock on the wall.

“You awake?” a vaguely familiar voice asked. Hux finally felt the strength to move and looked over his shoulder. 

It was the ex-stormtrooper: _Finn,_ as the Jedi girl called him. His hair had grown out slightly and he had a stern expression on his face. Hux could tell Finn wasn’t impressed with having to see him.

Hux didn’t say anything and Finn placed a folded suit on one of the medical tables. Hux stared at him passively, not wanting to irritate the man but also not wanting to make himself look weak. 

“We couldn’t find any pants for the time being but this is a zip-up suit. There’s also an undershirt for you,” Finn told him.

Hux continued not to speak. He saw Finn’s eyebrow twitch. There was a shared discomfort between the both of them, but there was also a sense of suspicion. 

It was evident that Finn would be suspicious of Hux, but Hux couldn’t figure out what about Finn made him curious. Perhaps it was the notion that Finn did have a rightful vendetta against the former General, or it was because Hux did remember that Finn shot him to make it appear as though Hux was attacked. He knew Finn had taken some righteous pleasure in shooting him, and Hux did not hold it against him.

After that moment, Hux realized his memory was a blur. Surely there was something that happened after that moment when he was shot. He remembered that the shot didn’t kill him and he had half haphazardly bandaged his own leg, purposefully doing a poor job to hopefully garner some sympathy. 

He wished he could recall what happened afterward, but every time he tried it felt like something was pulling him back, telling him not to go to that place and stay somewhere comfortable. 

Armitage Hux was far from comfortable though, so he figured whatever was holding him back wouldn’t cause more discomfort than he already had. 

“Are you… alright?” Finn asked, his words straining out of his throat like he didn’t want to ask if. 

Hux didn’t know the word for how he felt so he simply said, “Thank you for the suit.” 

Finn shrugged and left him to change. Once he was alone, Hux crawled out of the bed, stomping his left leg to see if the pressure would hurt. Strangely it didn’t. 

He still had a bandage over his leg, though there was no blood on the outside suggesting that he, or someone else, had changed it. He didn’t remember when he did that. Hux grabbed the flight suit and rolled down his high socks, folding them nicely after he removed them. 

Curiously, he unwrapped the bandage on his leg to see the blaster shot. 

There was no wound.

His skin looked perfectly fine. 

He blinked, wondering if he was just hallucinating nice skin. Bacta and surgery could do wonders, but he didn’t think there’d be _no_ evidence of injury at all. He had left the wound exposed for long enough that his skin began to naturally try to heal it over, whereas bacta would’ve done a better job at making things scar less. 

He poked his skin where he remembered the blaster shot had gone through. The skin felt fine, if not a bit tender. It didn’t feel like synthetic skin, although synthetic skin was made to feel very natural. 

Hux tried to ignore it and stripped out of his sweater. He looked down to his chest to find a similar scene.

It should’ve been a hopeful sight as he maintained his beautiful skin, but it felt like a falsehood. He felt like something should’ve been wrong like he was meant to be scarred and burnt, but he was perfectly well. He was slightly slimmer, though he’s always been skinny. He didn’t think he had been this hairless. He noticed it on his legs too— he wasn’t hairy. Had someone shaved him? It would’ve been strange. Did he shave himself? It was all too peculiar.

When Hux touched his stomach and chest, his vision flashed black. He panicked, bumping into the bed behind him and gasping. He saw a flash of red and the sound of something whirling by, though nothing was there. He cringed, feeling a sudden pain in his chest and gasping, falling back like someone had thrown something into him. 

He slouched onto the ground, startled. His eyesight returned, revealing he was still in the medbay. He looked down at his exposed body, seeing nothing had happened.

Hux quickly put on the undershirt then the flight suit and zipped it up. The material wasn’t as warm as he would like it to be, but it would do. The flight suit was a bit baggy on his thin form, making him feel self-conscious. He decided to save the socks and the sweater, just in case. If those objects were to be his only possession, he figured he might as well keep them. 

He had never felt so unfocused in his life. Even when he was beaten down or sleep-deprived, he felt like he could keep a level head. Now, he felt completely out of control of himself. He didn’t think he was going to do anything rash, but it still concerned him he was having strange flashes of either memories or delusions.

The room wasn’t helping. He couldn’t feel like a prisoner. Armitage Hux was trapped in many aspects of his life, but he refused to let the Resistance keep him in a box as well. The door was right in front of him, yet he felt like it was an impossible obstacle. Still, he had to try to free himself from his bubble and find out what was going on.

The former General quickly discovered that the medbay door was locked from the inside. He frowned and kicked his toe into the door fruitlessly, huffing. 

He didn’t know what he was going to do cooped up in the medbay. He didn’t see a camera in the room that would detect his motions, but he had a hunch that if he caused too much trouble the Jedi girl would sense him. 

His stomach growled suddenly, startling him. He didn’t know why he was surprised to be hungry, he was only human. 

He knocked on the door, wondering if anyone could hear him.

The door suddenly opened.

He nearly bumped into a chest dressed in black. He looked up and saw eyes that burned into his soul like the laser of his superweapon, Starkiller. The man’s face was obscured by a strange shadow that seemed to move and bend like it was alive. 

Hux took in a sharp breath and heard the voice that always taunted and hurt him.

“ _Armitage_ ,” Kylo’s distorted voice echoed, a black hand reaching out to his face.

Hux’s eyes widened.

_Wait—_

Then, he was out as quickly as he arose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ngl the next chapter may be a bit thicc. nothing like Hux inadvertly forcing the resistance to deal with his shitty relationship problems. in a way, that's essentially is what this is about. i also literally curse ao3 for hating italics and always randomly putting spaces in between them. 
> 
> leave a comment and a kudos!
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr [@starryartemis](https://starryartemis.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Follow me on Twitter [@truemoongoddess](https://twitter.com/truemoongoddess)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy holiday season! here's some pain and horror lolll. I hope everyone is doing well <3
> 
> please leave a comment and a kudos it means a lot!
> 
> cw: references to abuse, references to choking, issues with eating,

Something was shaking his shoulder. The motion worsened his headache and he wished it would go away but didn’t feel the strength to swat at it. Hux's eyes slowly fluttered open. 

He flinched, believing he saw the glowing eyes and shadowy face of Kylo Ren. There was black dust surrounding his vision. Panicking, Hux shot his hand to grab at the being in front of him. 

“Woah! Relax, Hugs,” Dameron’s voice said. Hux swallowed hard and let out a small sigh. Hux’s hands twitched as he realized he felt the stubble on Dameron’s chin. Ren didn’t keep his stubble. “Easy.”

Hux slowly calmed down, his wide eyes slowly adjusting to the light and the familiar face in front of him. 

He swore he saw Kylo Ren. He knew he did. Except, what he saw of Ren didn’t seem entirely real or human. It was like a ghostly apparition: solid but with a dusty, black aura around him. His eyes were not its natural brown either, though they were still warm. He couldn’t recall much about Ren’s quick appearance after that. He was beginning to realize the true spottiness of his memory. 

Ren never played these games with him. Sometimes he’d dig into his head and say things to him, but it usually wasn’t to specifically frighten Hux. Ren seemed to enjoy looking into Hux's head. Sometimes it was even useful: the man could send him the thoughts of the people who opposed him so they could figure out how to work through it.

Ren could be cruel, yes, but he never encountered Ren haunting him so violently. He had never seen such a ghastly image of Ren that it caused him to pass out. Ren was horrible and horrifying, but this was different. 

Hux didn’t know what he was playing at. Hux didn’t even know if Ren was truly haunting him or if he was imagining it. 

Poe Dameron suddenly snapped his fingers in front of Hux’s face. It took Hux a minute to realize the rude gesture, but he prevented himself from sneering nonetheless. Hux retracted his hand for Dameron’s face.

“May I ask what happened?” Hux said, deciding to play it politely. 

“I came in and you just… stared at me and then fell over,” Dameron said. Hux tensed. “Your eyes, like, glazed over.”

So he hadn’t seen Ren— it was Dameron who was truly in front of him. 

Why did he see Ren then? He didn’t understand why he had pictured Ren in front of him instead despite the two having nothing common. He didn’t want to admit he was scared somehow, but he was beginning to be.

“Oh,” Hux said rather stupidly. 

“I think you are malnourished is all. Why don’t we get you something to eat? Maybe a refresher too. No offense but you smell,” Poe made a funny face, “weird.”

Hux’s brows furrowed. “No offense taken.” 

“Here let me help you up, Hugs,” Poe offered. Hux didn’t know why he didn’t decline. 

Poe Dameron was strong, though that much was obvious. He was not as large as Ren in both width and height. In fact, Hux noticed that he was taller than Dameron. It made him smirk, but only for a second. 

Hux’s legs felt shaky and his whole body trembled. He felt like his heart was going to fall out of his chest. He almost fell over again, this time forward, but Dameron put a hand on his back and held his arm. 

“Easy there,” Dameron said calmly. 

“I’m not _fragile_ , you slimeball flyboy,” Hux said through his teeth. Dameron grinned. 

“I know, Hugs. But you are sickly so let me help you.” 

“Why are you helping me?” Hux asked genuinely. 

“Well, you did technically help us, despite your petty reasons,” Hux narrowed his eyes at Dameron, “and I think you can continue to do good.”

“Continue?” 

“Yeah. I mean, you are already going to Leia so you’re probably going to _have_ to do good to avoid a long sentence. Not to be grim but that’s the truth.” 

Hux stared at him blankly. He didn’t have his bearings at the moment to deal with the possibility of General Organa’s mercy. There’d be fighting the minute anyone suggested giving him kindness. To do good was also subjective to him. He wanted to help the galaxy, yes, but he still didn’t think he was confident in the Resistance and their forces. Ren had taken the Order and squandered a lot of it, ruining the vision Hux carefully tried to make true, turning into nothing but a distant dream. 

He hated that he had fallen for Ren’s lies of unity and eventual power. Ren said he’d bring Hux a kingdom, yet he wouldn’t give up the crown. Ren knew how to keep the promise distant enough to the point that Hux thought maybe with a little more elbow grease, Ren would let him get some power.

He never did though. Ren wanted him to stay at his station. Ren wanted him under his thumb, under his fist, under his body—

“You keep spacing out, you know that?” Dameron suddenly said, rubbing Hux’s back. Hux blushed, not used to the gesture.

Dameron had a very nice touch. The man was chaotic to Hux, but he was chaotic in a way that was almost charming. He was still slightly annoyed with Dameron’s presence, remembering the times the pilot taunted him about his unknown oblivious nature. 

“Oh. I still don’t think I’m fully here,” Hux admitted to Dameron. 

“That’s alright. Let’s just go get something to eat buddy.” 

Dameron helped Hux walk to another part of the ship. Hux was embarrassed by his guidance; the man would not remove his hands from Hux, worried that the sickly former General would collapse suddenly like he had previous times. When Hux let out a small cough, Dameron was quick to stop and ask if he was okay.

“I’m fine,” Hux assured, though his voice was a little raspy. “I think I could use a drink.”

He was perplexed by Dameron’s kindness; surely the man wasn’t like this with all his prisoners. Then again, Dameron did grow up in the New Republic where children were taught to be, in Hux’s opinion, too kind and too optimistic with tales of Organa’s triumphs and Skywalker’s legendary battles. Though, it probably was better than what Hux had endured from his father. 

But Hux had to remember that Dameron, and perhaps even the others, didn’t regard him as a prisoner. He was a refugee— a spy that helped them and now needed to avoid Kylo Ren’s wrath. 

Hux was brought to a small kitchenette area that had a circular sitting booth and a table. Somewhat awkwardly, Hux was helped into the seat despite him trying to reject Dameron’s assistance. He was sickly, not broken. 

“Must you treat me like that?” 

“Like what?” Poe asked.

“Like I’m fragile, I’ve already said!” Hux fretted, clearing his throat to prevent another cough. He looked around the room, seeing that no other Resistance members were lingering about. 

Poe’s white and orange BB unit was rolling nearby, curiously glancing at Hux before going back to his Master and beeping anxiously about him. Hux almost thought it was funny he was now in reach of the BB unit that he needed to appease Ren’s bloodlust for Skywalker. The little ball droid was right there as if it was a sign of his failure. 

“I know you aren’t fragile, you've made that very clear. You just are sick. You’re really pale and look dead,” Dameron said. Hux frowned at him. BB-8 nudged Dameron. The pilot realized his rudeness. “Oh, uh. I mean you are sick but you aren’t ugly or anything. You look good!”

“I thought being silver-tongued and well versed in flattery were your strong suit, Dameron,” Hux jeered.

“You’ve been thinking about me?” Dameron teased back with that quick-wit that Hux knew he had. 

Hux turned his head away, feeling his cheeks warm. He didn’t know how to deal with Dameron’s flirtatious joking. Dameron continued to smile as he prepared Hux a small meal to hopefully help him gain some strength back. 

When Dameron returned to the table, he slid Hux a small bowl of soup and a glass of water. Hux sniffled and tiredly looked down at the meal. The soup had small pieces of vegetables and meat. While it looked light, Hux didn’t feel motivated to eat it— especially with Dameron lingering by. 

He was never an enthusiastic eater. He had basically survived off of ration bars and caf, he didn’t think of eating as one of life’s joys. It was merely a must-do. 

“I prefer if you didn’t stare at me,” Hux said, opting to drink some water first before he ate. He could drink in front of people but eating felt uncomfortable. 

Dameron blinked and looked away, going back to the kitchenette and deciding to make himself a drink as well. While Hux was nursing his water, Dameron was pouring himself some brandy. Hux immediately knew what it was from the smell. He wanted to ask for a cup, but he figured alcohol probably wouldn’t mix well with his empty stomach, ill body, and scratchy throat. The water was helping a bit and before he knew it, he had chugged the entire glass. He hadn’t realized he was so dehydrated. 

“Damn Hugs, you sure are thirsty,” Poe joked, grinning. 

“Very much so,” he retorted, ignoring Dameron’s little joke. 

He passed Dameron the empty glass, asking for more without speaking. Poe rolled his eyes, getting Hux another drink. He decided to let Hux boss him around a little in the hopes that the former General would not scratch at him like a feral loth cat later. Poe learned that it was better to let the cat come to you than try to grab it. Give it a dish of milk and let it learn to trust the hand that feeds it. 

But Hux knew all about being a cat or, more correctly, being a rabid cur. Snoke’s nickname for him still carried on even after his death (Ren often got mad if Hux ever suggested Ren caused the former Supreme Leader’s death). Ren sometimes called him one to remind him that power never changed from leader to leader. The face may be different, but Hux’s leash remained. 

Hux gently put two fingers to the pulse on his neck when Dameron wasn’t looking as if he was expecting his heartbeat to be nonexistent. 

He remembered Ren’s hands around his neck, both physically and with the Force, and even now he thought he felt a ghostly presence. He knew he was being delusional, though to assure himself he concluded many who felt pain often felt it linger. 

Hux slowly had some of the soup, spooning small amounts into his mouth. He was careful not to make any noise while eating. He hated eating noises more than he hated eating. His father sometimes would smack him on the back of the head if he slurped too loudly, asking if he was a dog or a man. 

At this point, he didn’t think there was a difference. He could quietly eat all he wanted, at the end of the day it seemed like he still was at the end of someone’s leash. 

His hand trembled as he slowly had small sips of his soup. It felt strange to swallow and his stomach didn’t feel happy with the sudden intrusion of food. He tried to tell his body to just accept the nutrients; who knows how long he had been floating in space. 

He knew he wasn’t this skinny. He had always been lean and lacking in having bulging muscles, unlike his counterpart, but he did have some strengths. Now, he definitely noticed how frail his body had become. His waist was even slimmer and he had lost some of his flexibility: his body felt particularly stiff. He needed to eat and he needed to stretch everything. It was best to have his body ready for whatever may come.

 _What are you preparing for?_ someone in his head asked. He stopped eating for a moment, considering the voice. He still didn’t know if his thoughts were his. 

He heard the gentle clink of the glass against the table. He looked back at Dameron who was taking a sip of his brandy. Dameron cringed for a second at the bite of it then smiled. Hux didn’t feel like eating anymore but he accepted the water.

“You’re being an awfully gracious host Dameron. I must ask what you are planning,” Hux said in his clipped tone. He tried his best to not sound worn down but his throat still felt tight. 

He wanted to chug the water again but didn’t want to seem animalistic in his behaviors. Instead, he took the glass and took an appropriate sip. His swallow was audible and it made him cringe. 

“Well, what else would I be, Hugs?” Hux’s eyebrows creased. “Did you expect us to torture you?”

Perhaps it wasn’t the most appropriate comment, but it held some weight. Despite the Resistance’s air of courage and morality, Hux had the suspicion that if they really wanted something they may be driven to unsavory methods. General Organa would not stoop that low, but even she could not oversee everything. The First Order was very apparent in their threats. It was better that way. 

Hux had almost forgotten that Dameron was tortured by Ren for information about his droid. 

“I bet the Resistance thinks they are too good for that,” Hux said through his teeth. Dameron’s expression hardened a bit. “You all must be a very valiant bunch.” 

_Not so valiant with that Jedi girl running amuck_ , Hux thought. He didn’t like her. He mainly didn’t like how misguided she was in her actions. He knew she helped kill Snoke, but he had a feeling she had come there to perhaps strike some sort of deal with Ren. It was a failing deal, obviously, but he didn’t think he could be comfortable around someone who thought they could change Ren or move him to think differently.

Ren would not change. He wouldn’t change for Hux, so he certainly wouldn’t change for some young bright-eyed girl that acted like a little sister whose brother had grown out of being her friend. People were things to Ren. When he didn’t like them anymore, he tossed them away like they were useless toys. If Ren didn’t like his toys, he also wanted to make sure no one else could use them.

“I mean we try to be good. It’s not like you want to be tortured,” Poe said, seemingly unsure where to take the conversation. Dameron didn’t sit at the table with Hux, he just stood in front of it. 

“And what did you define as good?” Hux asked irritably.

“Helping people who maybe can't help themselves. Being there for those who need it most,” Dameron said without missing a beat. Hux’s face turned red and he gripped his spoon tightly. 

“Oh, is that what this is?” Hux miffed. “I don’t want your pity.” 

Dameron scoffed. “Why are you so against getting help? Do I need an ulterior motive or petty reason to help you?”

Hux knew it was a jab. He stood up suddenly, leaning forward a bit. He had height on Dameron, but the table created a distance between them that prevented Hux from appearing too threatening. 

“Don’t act like I’m not about to be shipped to Organa. That is an ulterior motive. You want something out of me.”

Dameron looked uncomfortable, his expression shifting somewhere between annoyed and baffled at Hux’s attitude. 

“Of course we do! No offense, but you can’t just get off easy anyway even if we were just helping!” Dameron threw his hands up. “We didn’t have to let you out though. I didn’t have to make your soup and bring you water. But I did.” 

“Why?” Hux blurted. He tensed, trying to shut his mouth. But he had already spoken and his anxiety was heard in Dameron’s ears. The crack in his voice was embarrassing. 

He felt his stomach twist and a sharp pain shoot through his head. Dameron put his hands out slightly, seeing the agony flash across Hux’s face. 

The lights flickered above. Both men looked up to watch the room darken for a moment and then suddenly come back to life. Dameron merely thought it was strange, whereas Hux looked like he was going to collapse again.

Dameron did pity Hux; he got the sense that the General had never felt genuine kindness in his life. It wasn’t hard to deduce that Hux thought the galaxy ran on exchanges. A selfish motive drove everyone. Hux did, surely, but to unteach his rigid ways was a task Poe Dameron didn’t think he could handle. 

Rose Tico quickly entered the room. She grimaced at seeing Hux sitting at the table, holding himself and looking like a corpse. Poe turned to face her, unsure about how she would react to him acting as Hux’s guide. 

“What happened?” Dameron asked her. 

“I don’t know. There was nothing in our orbit that would’ve disturbed the ship’s function but I’ll have to look just in case. Leia said this ship should be sturdy, but who knows. Maybe some womp rats are hiding on this ship,” she explained. She coldly looked at Hux when talking about the rats. He grimaced at her.

 _Wretched girl,_ he thought. He wished he could humiliate her somehow. Then he wondered why his mind was hastily looking for ways to hurt the ones who saved him.

“Hope not! I don’t want to make a stop on the way,” Poe said, smiling. His smile could not diffuse the tense atmosphere. 

Hux mentally pocketed that for later. He knew they were heading straight to General Organa, but he realized that meant he’d be stripped of the little freedoms he had. He wasn’t so sure the Resistance would be so kind despite Dameron’s assurance. 

A stop on their trip could give Hux an opening to escape, but where would he go? The First Order would not welcome him most likely, and his ginger hair often made him stand out. Still, the entire galaxy couldn't know who he was. Even then, who would he become? He hadn’t thought of a life beyond the Order. What would he be? What did he want to be?

 _It’s lonely out there_ , a voice in his head said. It was a fair observation. Whatever life he led, it would have to be lonely if he wanted to be safe. He had been alone most of his life, so he thought he’d fair pretty well. 

Yet there was an itch at his neck he had a hard time ignoring. He knew it was a vulnerability of him, stemming all the way back to his childhood. He was always cold and the eyes that looked at him were always filled with disdain. He missed the warm gaze, the only caring one he knew—

 _No!_ he scolded himself mentally. He wouldn’t think about that. There were more pressing things. 

“Is he always like this?” Hux heard Rose whisper to Poe. Hux didn’t know how heard it, she was far enough away that he thought it would’ve been more difficult. 

Hux looked up and saw the way the young woman flinched when he met her eye. 

“He’s just disoriented still,” Dameron explained, turning away from Rose and going back to Hux. Hux clenched his fists in his lap. “Come on, Hugs. I think we have a room for you.”

“A room?” He was expecting a jail cell. 

“Yup, one just for you. Come on, I’ll lead you,” Dameron said, offering Hux his hand. Hux eyed the man’s black-gloved hand and turned it down, sliding out of the booth himself and getting to his feet without stumbling.

Hux was beginning to feel a bit more balanced, though he knew he still was mentally far, far away. 

He followed Dameron out of the small kitchenette and through the halls of the _Legend_. It unnerved him to not know where the rest of the crew was, especially that Jedi girl. 

He stared at the back of Dameron’s head as he walked. He admired the man’s dark curls and toned back, then reminded himself of who he was staring at. He shivered. 

The lights flickered again and Hux repressed the urge to stop walking. Dameron kept trekking on despite the lights. 

The flickering hurt Hux’s head and his vision became spotty. He noticed that the back of Poe’s head had… changed. And the man’s height had changed too.

As the lights flickered, so did _Poe_. The image of the man flickered like he was a dysfunctional holo, twitching, and shivering as it tried to work. Dameron’s body would flick between himself and then into the form of a taller man with a wider body and long black hair. He knew the form too well. He knew the length of Kylo’s hair and how he walked with such force and imposition. 

Hux felt sick to his stomach but he did not stop following the flickering version of Kylo Ren for some reason.

The lights went dark and Hux stopped. Slowly, bright lights turned on. The walls had changed and so did the floor. He knew the panels too well. It appeared as though he was in one of the halls of the _Steadfast_. Hux looked down, seeing he was in his crisp, black First Order uniform.

While the setting was familiar, he swore this was like a scene out of his memories. Ren continued forward without him, not noticing his General wasn’t walking with him.

“Ren—” Hux called, his voice bouncing off the walls unnaturally.

Kylo stopped walking but he didn’t turn around. Instead, a horrible noise filled Hux’s ears. It sounded like the fluttering of millions of insects. Hux put his hands to his ears, gasping loudly. The sound pained him, making him stagger.

He almost fell backward but Ren suddenly appeared in front of him, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and staring into his eyes. 

Ren’s eyes were not his own though, they were burning at the edges at the dark brown. There was a yellow hue eating at his irises, transforming the eyes Hux, unfortunately, knew so well. 

“ _Return to me,_ ” Ren said to him, his voice sounding like it was coming from a speaker. 

Kylo threw his General backward, allowing Hux to fall. His vision became enveloped in millions of fluttering blue wings, devouring Ren in a flash of blue. 

“Wait!” Hux cried out.

He heard footsteps stop. Hux suddenly looked up, seeing that he was in the hall he had been walking in with Poe Dameron. Hux realized he was back in his jumpsuit and he had not been magically transported to the _Steadfast_ and that he hadn’t been eaten by millions of blue butterflies. 

Dameron turned around, his brows knitted. Hux twitched, looking around anxiously. He was still on the _Legend_ and Dameron was still with him. So what was that?

“Wait what?” Dameron asked, perplexed. 

“...excuse me?” Hux jabbered, feeling a bead of sweat crawl down the back of his neck. 

“You said ‘wait.’ Are you okay, Hugs? Do you need help?”

“No,” Hux asserted quickly. “Just show me my room.” 

Dameron raised an eyebrow but let Hux be stubborn. 

It only took a few more steps for them to actually reach the room. Dameron input a code and the doors slid open, revealing small yet cozy chambers for Hux. Hux stepped in, holding his hands behind his back out of habit.

The room was bare with only the most minimal of necessities— just as Hux was used to. There was a bed that stuck out of the wall, seemingly able to fold in and out of the wall. There was a grey metal bedside table with a light fixture on it. He could also see the refresher which was constructed to fit everything in it with the smallest space possible. Hux wasn’t going to complain. 

“Home sweet home,” Dameron said, walking in after Hux. “The ‘fresher should already have soaps and such but if you need anything, you can ask.”

“Thank you.” 

“But, there is one thing.” Hux frowned. “This door will be locked during our night shift so you don’t go snooping around. I know it might feel confining but it’s for safety and it will make everyone feel more comfortable.”

Hux wasn’t going to argue about it anyway. If the positions were reversed, he would’ve locked Dameron away and had him beaten senseless. Though, Dameron already knew that. “I understand.” 

“I’ll leave you for a bit and see if you are more up to a meal later. We won’t be arriving at our destination for a while so you’ll have plenty of time to rest,” Dameron explained. 

Dameron turned to leave Hux. Hux tensed, clenching his left arm with his right hand. “Wait.” 

“Yes?” Dameron asked, putting a hand on the doorframe. 

“My sweater. And socks. They are in the medbay. Can you bring them to me?” Hux asked apprehensively. Dameron cocked an eyebrow. 

“You wanted to keep them?”

Hux’s cheeks turned rosy. Dameron felt his heartbeat quicken for a second. It was quite the sight to see one of the most influential men in the galaxy become so vulnerable. 

“It’s… all I have right now.”

Hux wanted to smack that pitiful look right off the pilot’s face. How dare he continue to pity him. He was the karking General of the First Order. He built machines that killed billions, he could blast someone with his eyes shut, he could influence the whims of the most powerful men in the galaxy if he tried hard enough. 

And Dameron dared to feel bad for him over some stupid sweater. 

“Sure thing,” Dameron said agreeably. Hux wanted to hurt him for being so kind to him, but at the moment he physically couldn’t bring himself to do it.

Dameron left him, the door sliding shut. Hux was utterly alone with his thoughts. He realized how horrifying that was with the current state of his head. 

A shower would do nicely. The refresher appeared to have an actual water-use shower and not just a sonic. Hux wondered if he had the only shower on the ship, but he figured it would be best to be quick and not waste the water reserves. 

Hux stepped into the refresher and stripped out of his flight suit. Now that he was facing a shower, he realized how grimy he felt. The refresher had barely any room for him to move around in. He folded his clothes and put them on the only shelf. There was a towel for him on a rack. 

Hux bravely looked into the mirror, seeing that he really did look ill. His cheeks had a pink flush so he looked alive, but it looked like he hadn’t slept for a few days. 

Hux could see his chest in the mirror. He patted the spot between his breast bones, wondering why he kept thinking about that spot. He pressed a finger against his chest, feeling one of his rib bones and wondering if he still had a heart. 

He turned on the shower, watching the water spew from the nozzle with delight. It had been a while since he took a water shower— not that he actually had any particular memory of showering. His memories were still scrambled and he couldn’t put an exact timeframe on when he did things last or what had led to the unfortunate events of him being trapped on a Resistance ship.

The water felt nice against his skin. The hot air made it a bit harder to breathe, but it was nothing compared to the relaxing feeling of being enveloped in warm rain. Hux shampooed his hair and scrubbed his scalp hard as if it was covered in soot. He felt dirty, but he didn’t think he was as filthy as he felt. 

When he began lathering himself in soap, he began to think about Kylo Ren. He frowned, upset at himself for recalling how Ren’s hair looked wet and how he had to scrub Ren’s back when he had been too hurt to do it himself. 

There were very few moments where they had been gentle to one another. Ren had returned from a mission where he had contracted some sort of illness and hurt his ankle. He destroyed just about any med droid that came near him and scared away the doctors. Hux had to be the one to care for him. 

He hid it well, but he had been apprehensive of taking care of Ren. He didn’t want to be Ren’s babysitter anymore than he already was. The man was too ill to even help himself into a bath, so Hux tried to be a cane for Ren to lean on as they staggered there, though he struggled to hold Ren up. 

When he finally had Ren washed, embarrassingly scrubbing his Supreme Leader’s skin, Ren leaned in and kissed him with his moistened lips. Hux’s face had turned scarlet— though at the back of his head he knew Ren was playing with his weaknesses.

“ _My Armitage,_ ” Ren had said to him in a low voice that haunted his memories, “ _don’t you see? You’re so good for me._ ”

Ren knew better than to twist his words into venomous references to Hux’s past, yet he did it anyway. Hux didn’t fight back as he used to against Ren’s words. He thought he had become more careful. Clearly not.

Ren’s kisses echoed through his memories, beckoning him back to a warmth akin to the feeling of hot water hitting his shoulder blades. 

Hux touched his lips as he showered. He hated Ren. He hated what that man had done to him, toying with his head and heart. He sometimes couldn’t even tell how Ren felt about him, the man was so inconsistent in how he treated Hux that it was impossible to make one deduction on his feelings. 

Hux turned off the water and got out of the shower, toweling himself off and tying the towel around his waist. Despite being alone in the refresher, he felt completely vulnerable. 

The steam had fogged up the mirror so Hux took his palm and wiped an arch clear for him to look at himself. 

Except, the figure staring back at him wasn’t him: it was Kylo Ren.

Hux gasped and bumped into the wall behind him, nearly slipping. His feet found traction on the small circle rug. The reflection copied his actions, just as a real mirror would. 

Hux took a moment to breathe. He slowly walked back up to the mirror, seeing that Ren followed his actions with the same worried expression Hux felt he was making. 

Hux put his hand up and, sure enough, Mirror Kylo copied. Unlike him though, Ren was in his usual black clothing and he was not moist. 

He slowly pressed his hand against the mirror, almost afraid he’d go right through and fall into another dimension. Ren’s gloved hand also pressed to the glass, but they did not physically touch. Hux was still on the other side of the mirror. 

“ _Hux_ ,” Kylo said. Hux immediately retracted his hand as if the mirror burned him. He looked back into Ren’s eyes, seeing that the reflection was no longer copying his movements.

“What the kark—!” Hux began to yell but then felt his throat constrict. Hux whined, putting a hand to his throat to remove the phantom force.

“ _Don’t yell,_ ” Ren instructed him. Hux shut up, glaring at the Mirror Ren. His throat freed and he let out a small breath. “ _Wouldn’t want to attract any attention, would we?_ ” 

Ren’s eyes traveled downward and Hux suddenly remembered he was bare apart from his towel. Hux used a hand to make sure the towel wouldn’t slip off. 

“How are you doing this?” Hux asked, tapping the glass. Out of all the Force tricks Ren pulled, this was not one of them. It felt unnatural, even for the Force. Hux felt like his perception of reality was mixing too much with his imagination and fears. And Ren knew where he hid his fears. 

Ren gritted his teeth and ignored Hux.“ _Gain your strength back Hux. You’ll need it._ ”

“What the hells are you talking about? What did you do? I know you are behind me getting shipped to this Resistance hellhole!” Hux accused. Ren might’ve been able to use the Force to grab hold of him from afar, but he had a sense that if Ren went too far, then the Jedi girl may sense his presence. 

“ _You’ll know in time. You can’t let the Resistance go back to Leia though,_ ” Ren instructed. “ _And that’s an order._ ”

Hux reached over and picked up a fresh pair of underwear and slipped them on under his towel. Might as well clean up if Ren wasn’t going to leave him alone even in the refresher. 

“It’s strange, Supreme Leader,” Hux said with a venomous tone, “it’s like I have been ejected from your ship and therefore I no longer am a part of your crew. Technically, unless you inform me of the truth of my situation, I do not have to obey you.” 

Hux could see Ren clenching his jaw. The man’s brows lowered and he looked just about ready to blow.

Instead, Ren swallowed hard and looked at Hux almost sympathetically. Hux tensed: he hated Ren’s manipulative, puppy dog eyes. He knew Ren was changing strategies. 

“ _You know the Order needs you, Armitage,_ ” Ren said, a pinch of annoyance stuck in his tone. Hux easily deduced that Ren knew what happened to him and that he didn’t remember. “ _These Rebel rats will not protect you or bring you glory. They’ll send you to Organa and they’ll beat you bloody and give you a fruitless life_.”

“You can’t scare me with that. I know that much already.” 

“ _Yet you still yearn for more and know that I am the only one who can bring you that glory,_ ” Ren said like a temptress. “ _You must do something for me and I’ll forgive you._ ”

“Forgive me for what?” Hux spat.

“ _I know you’re a little traitor, Hux. Don’t think I’m a fucking fool!_ ” Ren thundered. Hux could see something tremble out of the corner of his eye, but he didn’t know if it had shaken because of the ship or because of Ren’s power. “ _The more you disobey me, the worse you will become. I am the only one who can save you._ ”

“What have you done to me?” Hux fretted, feeling his heart pound especially loudly. It didn’t feel natural. Hux cringed and put a hand to his chest. He began to plead. “Ren—”

“ _I don’t want to bring you anguish, but the farther you drift away from me the less I can help you_ ,” Ren warned, though it sounded more out of worry. “ _Return to me, and we can fix this together._ ”

Together. What a fucking lie. What was the point of being separated if Ren wanted him to return? Hux didn’t think the man had an ounce of logic in his smooth brain. The man was planning something. Hux needed to find out what before Ren made him literally lose his sanity. 

“You bloody fucking—” Hux stopped, realizing Ren was no longer in his mirror. It was just him and his reflection. 

Hux couldn’t stand the warm air any longer and threw open the door, taking a deep breath of the chilled, recycled air. The towel fell from his waist as he plopped onto the ground, sitting against the wall in his underwear. 

He held in a sob, feeling himself break down brick by brick over the terror of not knowing what Ren wanted from him or what he had done. He wasn’t usually so frightened by Ren, even if he knew the man was ridiculously controlling, but this felt different. This felt like Ren had lost his grip on reality and wanted to take Hux down with him.

The only question was if Ren was doing it out of anger or out of affection. 

Hux knew Ren and he had a peculiar relationship, to say the least. Hux could never put a finger on what he felt for Ren: it was far too complicated. 

“ _You are the only person I care about_ ,” Ren once told him, shocking Hux to his core. He wasn’t even sure if Ren did love him or if the man was confusing his obsession over affection. 

But, fuck, Hux knew Ren felt a connection to him through their shared lonesomeness. Ren also knew what buttons to press. 

Hux couldn’t always figure out what was a manipulative effort by Ren to make him submit and what was a perplexing act of compassion. He figured the Supreme Leader wasn’t too sure about his emotions either. 

There was a knock on his door. Hux sniffled and looked up, figuring it was Dameron. He slowly got up, retrieving his zip-up suit and putting it back on. He wiped his eyes and took in a deep breath, trying to regain his composure. 

The door slid open just as Hux was re-exiting the refresher. Dameron stood in the frame, Hux’s folded sweater and socks in his hands. 

Dameron stilled seeing them former General still flushed from his shower, his hair still dripping. He flushed and handed Hux his clothes. Hux gently took the clothing, looking down to his feet. 

“Are you alright, Hugs?” Poe asked softly, seeing Hux’s red-rimmed eyes and a pink nose. He didn’t think that was because of the hot water. 

“I’m fine.” Hux took the clothes and placed them neatly on the nightstand, avoiding Dameron’s gaze. 

“If you need something, you can ask,” Dameron offered kindly. Hux grimaced at his kindness. He didn’t want it.

He didn’t deserve it. 

“I want to be left alone,” Hux said. He turned around, seeing that Poe had stepped into the room. Hux gritted his teeth, appalled that the man entered his room without asking.

Then again, it wasn’t really his room. It was just a room given to him. 

“I’ll leave, but we are going to have to keep an eye on you so that you know,” Dameron explained. 

“I told you, I don’t want your pity. What in your weak mind makes you feel pity for me?”

“You seem to be going through something and I can feel for that, even if you are an asshole,” Dameron offered. “You’re cold but there’s… something else too. Even Rey senses it.”

 _Shit_ , Hux thought. If Rey could sense his connection to Kylo, she was sure they’d throw him in a cage under Organa’s heel. Kylo’s presence would ruin any mercy Hux would get. 

“I don’t know what that means. Just leave me alone,” Hux said firmly.

Dameron sighed and let out a soft “okay” before leaving the room. 

Hux was alone. But was he really? He had the horrible knowledge that Ren, in some capacity, was watching him in ways that were more than unnatural. 

Hux returned to the refresher and stared at himself in the mirror.

He was real. He was here. And Ren was playing games with him.

He hated Ren. Why couldn’t the man just be straightforward with him? Ren needed him to do something if Hux had been sent to the Resistance but what? Find information? Kill them? That would be very simple to ask of him, yet Ren didn’t. So what did he want?

To torture him? 

Hux couldn’t understand it, but he kept looking in the mirror, reminding himself that he was there and real while Ren was far away.

“I’m here and you’re not,” he said into the mirror. “I’m here.”

Hux gripped the sink and gritted his teeth. He needed to get a hold of himself and make a plan before Ren made him mad and ruined whatever opportunity either of them had. He had to prepare himself. He had to be stronger than he was—

“ _I’m always here too, Armitage._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you all appreciate the long chapters because uh oh they are getting long lmao ehe... how are we feeling?
> 
> the song for this chapter is [Cocoa Hooves by Glass Animals](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeuQ6CQ5B7c)
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr [@starryartemis](https://starryartemis.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Follow me on Twitter [@truemoongoddess](https://twitter.com/truemoongoddess)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year! here is some mysterious, angsty hux stuff. hope everyone does better this year! i have been playing a lot of Hades... 
> 
> leave a comment and a kudos, it means a lot!
> 
> tw: implied child abuse, references to dubcon, unhealthy relationship dynamics

The lights flickered again. Rey stopped in her place feeling something creep against her spine. She suddenly whacked herself in the back as if to crush an insect. 

She looked at her hand to see if she had crushed anything but, as she expected, it was only a chill. 

It had been several hours since Hux was locked away in his room. The crew of the _Legend_ were all anxiously attempting to chip away at the hours, trying to complete little tasks here and there to keep busy.

The real problem that required fixing was the ship itself. 

Rose had searched to see why the lights were flickering, but instead, they all discovered that the ship’s hyperdrive wasn’t working. It was a complete deterrence on their schedule. They could, theoretically, fly the ship normally and just return to Leia later than expected with Hux in tow. It would require being on the ship for longer, but then they’d at least know they wouldn’t detrimentally destroy anything on the ship by trying to repair its issues.

Rose told them the ship would fly fine, but it wouldn’t jump into hyperspace. 

“It was fine earlier, can you fix it?” Finn asked Rose as she was poking around in the ship’s interior. Rey was also watching. She was also very handy with ships, though she let Rose take the lead because she didn't want to get in the way and felt as though Rose had more technical training. 

“I don’t know, I can find anything obviously wrong with the ship. I’m guessing either Hux did something or he brought something onboard that did something,” Rose hypothesized. She was pointing a flashlight in the crawl space she had squeezed herself into. The wiring was messy, but it didn’t look broken. 

“Poe and I checked Hux, I don’t think he himself did anything. He was passed out in the medbay most of the time and he’s locked away in his room now,” Rey explained. Finn glanced at her. She didn’t know why he was giving her such a strange look.

“Urg, the nerve of that guy… maybe the pod is causing the issue, some sort of hyperspeed jammer? I haven’t seen one before but I’ve heard of one, though who knows if it’s real,” Rose said, scratching her head. She pulled herself out of the crawl space and wiped the dust off. 

“I don’t know about that. We could check the pod again. We’ll just have to keep looking around the ship,” Finn said. 

“It won’t kill us to just fly regularly, though it will take longer,” Rey said, earning a side-eye from both Finn and Rose. She knew they weren’t upset with her, but she understood that they were extremely uncomfortable with Hux around. 

“Hux shouldn’t be able to really try anything with us, but the more time we give him I’m sure he’ll come up with something. He’s a… smart guy,” Finn explained, narrowing his eyes at the wall as if he could sense Hux across the ship.

“He didn’t have a tracker on him did he?” Rose asked.

Rey shook her head. “No, not that we could find. Poe checked the bare minimum clothes he had and there was nothing.”

“Poe checked his clothes?” Finn asked, exasperated. Rose grinned slightly at that.

“Brave guy, going through that weasel’s pantaloons,” Rose joked, trying to mock Hux’s accent. “What’s with them anyway?”

“What do you mean?” Rey questioned, pretending to be oblivious. 

“I mean… Poe’s really nice but I feel like he’s being too nice to Hux, you know? Sure we don’t want to piss the guy off and stuff but Hux is… weird.” 

They both didn’t know how to answer Rose. They didn’t think much about Dameron’s friendliness: someone had to be nice to Hux and play the supportive one. 

Rey could sense deep anguish within Hux, one she pitied. She had learned that pitiful people didn’t always deserve the entirety of the benefit of the doubt, but she wasn’t heartless enough to ignore Hux’s clearly distressed state. The man was… unwinding quite rapidly. If Finn and Rose didn’t notice it, Rey and Poe did.

There was something festering within him, like a parasite trying to evolve past being inside Hux. Rey couldn’t really understand him unless she pushed into his mind and she could easily assume Hux wouldn’t want that. His working with Kylo Ren was enough for her to assume the horrors he had gone through.

There was something though… something else. She wanted to talk to him but didn’t know how to go about it. The best bet was Poe for now seeing that Hux, despite his walls, let Poe get close enough. 

They all hadn’t told Hux about the recorder in his room either. It was a bit sneaky and definitely uncomfortable, but there was a monitor in the room they put Hux in.

The monitor wasn’t robust and could only hear in a section in the room near his bed (which could be good or bad depending on what Hux did to pass his time), but it would be enough in case they suspected Hux was scheming or trying to contact someone. Then, they didn’t always have to rely on Rey looking into the man’s head. For a man who did so many speeches, surely he felt comfortable with talking out loud to himself.

The recorder was technically made for kids: it was a baby monitor of sorts. They hadn’t tried it, but there was a communication room on the ship where they could tune in just in case. They didn’t want to peep on Hux, but they couldn’t trust that he wasn’t up to something, even if in the end he didn’t follow through.

“I’m going to eat, you want something?” Rey asked, turning to Finn and gently putting a hand on his arm.

He smiled at her. She always was a comforting presence. “Yeah sure. Rose?”

Rose shook her head and picked up a toolbox. “Nah, I’m gonna keep poking around. But don’t eat my macarons! Kaydel gave them just for me and I gotta review every single one of them!” 

They laughed and left Rose to her work. She smiled. Though she hated that Hux was onboard, she was glad she was surrounded by her friends.

Rose squeezed back into the crawl space to check the wiring in the walls. Going through each wire would be meticulous, but the design of the _Skywalker’s Legend_ wasn’t a typical ship design. The ship was made for family living, meaning it had to optimize comfort, but it seemed to be customized by whoever made it previously. In layman's terms: it was a headache. 

She poked between the wires and heard something twitch. Rose flinched at the nose and looked around for whatever made the noise. 

She put up her flashlight and saw the light shine on a beautiful blue color. It was the wings of an insect, some sort of butterfly creature. She stared at it and it felt like the bug’s wings were staring back at her.

Her flashlight flickered, its light only turning off for a brief second, but when the light returned the butterfly was gone. 

Strange.

//——//

Hux dreamed that he had grown wings and that Ren had pulled them off. Hux, in his dream, tried to scream but couldn’t but it felt like there were pins being shoved into his back. It felt real; in reality, he was twitching like mad at the sensation.

When he awoke, he was still on the stupid Resistance ship. His back did have a slight ache in it, but he assumed it was from the bed. Hux stretched his back, not remembering when he fell asleep.

There was no clock in the room so he had no clue about how long he slept. Hux ran his fingers through his hair and groaned. He hated that he needed so much sleep. He couldn’t let himself be too comfortable; Ren or the Resistance may hit him with an unexpected curveball (though the entire situation was unexpected). 

Hux hated to do so, but he was still thinking about Ren. He couldn’t grasp what Ren wanted for him if he had really wanted anything at all.

Ren wanted him to return to him but a million questions ran through his head of _why, how?_ The fact he had to return suggested that Ren had not meant to send Hux into the vacuum of space, yet there was no concrete evidence of that. Ren was driven by his emotions and one moment he could be enamored by Hux’s presence, but the next he could be threatening to grab him by the throat and watch him turn blue. 

Ren was right though, going to Organa’s wouldn’t be good for him. At least, not yet. Even with his betrayal, Organa’s heart may not be moved. He hated to think that Organa would rather give _Ben_ more sympathy than him. It was completely illogical. He knew for a fact that he struggled far worse than Kylo ever did and yet he knew because he was Organa’s baby he could still make her feel bad for him. It was pathetic, and not even of her. It was pathetic that Ren could gain any sympathy when he’d sooner snap the necks of those who didn’t serve him the way he liked it. 

He didn’t know when someone would come for him. He checked the door and, as Poe had mentioned, it was locked from the inside. 

“ _Locked up like a rabid cur,_ ” Ren’s voice said to him. He grimaced. 

“Is this going to be a thing now? You pestering me with your stupid space magic,” Hux snarled.

“ _What’s wrong? Can’t handle me being inside you? I’ve been inside you in other ways_ ,” Ren’s voice taunted. Hux swore he felt a pressure feel his ass. He spun around, but Ren wasn’t actually there for him to swat at. 

“Don’t be vulgar. And piss off already! If you aren’t going to be of any use or tell me what you want, then fuck off.” Hux couldn’t believe Ren was bothering him telepathically. At first, it has been frightening. Now he saw it was just annoying. 

Ren didn’t respond but Hux didn’t know if he was still there. What did the man want? Returning to Ren was an obscure request with no context. Ren was obviously mad at the betrayal yet he still wanted Hux? It was strange. Hux hated the uncertainty. 

He also hated not knowing if Ren was actually there or if he was imagining the entire presence. For all he knew, he was going through some mental breakdown and his mind was using Ren as a way to explain his panic and delusions. If Ren was really there, surely he would be a bit more useful in helping Hux return. 

He went back to the bed and laid down, seeing that there was nothing else to do. He put his hands to his eyes and listened to the gentle hum of the ship. 

A hand caressed his cheek. Hux’s eyes shot open to see a shadowy figure above him. He knew it was Ren, but his figure was distorted. It was the way it looked when he had passed out in front of Dameron.

The edges of Ren’s hair and cloak seemed to shimmer and shake like pieces of ash being blown in the wind. He left a trail of shadows wherever he moved. It was disorienting to watch. 

The man was like a phantom in the night, watching down on the damsel he had captured. Hux couldn’t move. He wasn’t sure if he was even breathing. His body felt numb. 

He stared into Ren’s golden brown eyes and Ren stared back, his expression unreadable. 

“You know you’re beautiful, right?” Ren said in a low voice, putting his thumb to Hux’s lip. “You are haunting me.” 

“I’m haunting you? That seems a bit backward,” Hux said softly; he found himself unable to speak above a whisper. 

Ren smiled, but it did not make Hux feel any better. The few rare times where Kylo did smile at Hux, it has felt magnificent. Ren had a beautiful smile; all his rage and terrible behaviors seemed to disappear when Ren smiled. It was like you could forget the horrible things he had done when you saw the gentle flash of his teeth.

But this smile brought Hux no peace. It was eerie, like a wolf trying to comfort its prey before eating it. 

“It’s time for you to do as I intend,” Ren said, firmly putting his fingers onto Hux’s cheeks and squeezing them. Hux grimaced, worried Ren would crush his teeth through sheer force. Hux noticed that Ren’s fingertips were blackened like he had dipped them in charcoal. 

“Which is what?” Hux asked, the words coming out humorously through his squished mouth. Ren squeezed him tighter. “Stop that—”

“I told you. This will all come to fruition if you just follow your instinct. I put it deep within your heart. Bring me what I _need_.” Ren’s voice echoed across the walls and Hux felt his ears ring. He didn’t know what Ren wanted. He didn’t know what he meant. A fire began to burn in his chest.

_It hurts it hurts it hurts—_

The ghostly image of Ren kissed Hux on the neck and in a blink of an eye, he was gone. 

Hux still couldn’t move. Ren was gone, but his body remained frozen in place apart from the rise and fall of his chest. 

He needed to get off this ship. Ren wouldn’t leave him alone until he either died or left him behind. He didn’t want to find out what other powers Ren had too. 

Hux heard the door slide open but he didn’t move. He couldn’t. Somehow he felt a twinge of anger in his chest, but he didn’t know if it was his.

“Hux?” a young, female voice asked. He had to remind himself her name was Rey: Ren’s mortal enemy and the destroyer of all their plans. “Are you awake?”

Rey slowly approached him as if not to wake him. Hux decided to close his eyes, thinking it be easier to pretend to sleep than to explain to her why he couldn’t move. Hux didn’t know why Ren wouldn’t release his hold on him. 

He felt her push a finger into his cheek and he grumbled. The gesture was odd and unnecessary. She frowned when he didn’t open his eyes.

“Hux, I am making some food and I think you should have some. You’ve been out for a while again. Are you feeling sick again?” she asked. He grumbled. He didn’t exactly feel well but sick didn’t begin to describe the horrific feeling Ren put in his chest. “If you are trying to ignore me I’m going to be annoyed.”

She put a hand to his forehead to check his temperature. He was a bit warm, not exactly burning like before—

Something blue flashed before her eyes. She gasped and was flung into an image from the Force. It was almost like when she was in the cave on Ahch-To; a cold empty feeling filled her with dread and made her want to lay down and give up. 

Then she realized the feeling wasn’t entirely hers. She looked up and saw a child curled up into himself, hugging his knees in the corner of a dark room. The child had vibrant orange hair and Rey knew it could only be one boy. 

Young Hux looked up slightly, his eyes filled with tears. His eye was blackened and his little fist had red marks on them. Rey wondered what happened to him. 

A door slid open behind her and she turned around to see a man hidden by a shadow. He was large, so much larger than her, but then she realized she was seeing it from a child’s perspective. All she could make out from the man’s face were his hateful blue eyes.

“ _Useless boy. Get up and stop whimpering like a little girl!_ ” the man said. He could hear the young Hux shuffled behind her, standing up though his knees were weak. 

_Get out._

The scenery around Rey changed and she found herself in the woods in a dense fog. She heard someone yelling and the sound of something being hit.

There was that flash of red again, but this time Hux was older, perhaps a young teen. He was on top of some boy around his age, stabbing some little knife into him. He kept stabbing, again and again, and again. 

Hux’s grey uniform was splattered with blood. The boy he murdered with his knife was long dead, though Hux kept pulling and pushing his knife into him.

Hux’s eyes were wild but they also had a sparkle of tears within them. 

_He was gonna tell he was gonna tell_ — 

Rey covered her ears: the little voice was getting louder and louder. 

_You can’t tell my father._

Somehow Rey knew that the boy Hux was killing was an exemplary student, perhaps one mark ahead of Hux, so he needed to get the boy out of the way before his father did something horrible to him. He had to be the best. He had to show his worth. 

_And he knows, he knows, he knows—_

“Hux, stop it,” Rey said, her voice bouncing around. She knew she had inadvertently entered his mind, but for some reason, something was holding her there. 

Something wasn’t letting her go. Usually, when a Force user saw a vision, they could at least run away or sense when the end was near. Here though, she felt rooted in the scene. She couldn’t pull out of his mind if she wanted to. 

_They’ll do something worse this time._

Rey saw the soil turn into a black, metal ground and she looked up to see herself in a throne room of sorts. 

Kylo Ren was there. She felt fury rise into her chest, wanting to blast him in his face, but remembered she wasn’t really there. 

Hux, now his proper age, was standing in front of him, his hands clasped firmly behind his back. Rey could see that Hux’s gloved fingers were twitching. 

“ _The ambassador thinks it will be better if you visited personally, Supreme Leader,_ ” Hux said. Ren looked bored. “ _It is in the Order’s best interest—_ ”

“ _Hux,_ ” Ren said, cutting him off. Hux closed his mouth. Rey saw how his fists closed tightly behind his back. “ _Come here_.” 

Hux didn’t move. Rey almost admired him for it. 

When Hux continued to be still, Ren put his hand out and Hux suddenly jutted forward like Ren had pulled him with the Force. 

Ren wouldn’t ask again. Hux knew that. He took a few steps forward till he was standing right in front of Ren. He wouldn’t meet Ren’s eye. 

To Rey’s surprise, Ren leaned forward and put a finger under Hux’s chin, forcing Hux to look him in the eye. The gesture was oddly intimate. Rey almost felt like she would be killed just for looking at Ren do a kind gesture. 

Though, was anything Ben did ever truly kind?

“ _What?_ ” Hux spat, but Rey saw how he shivered.

“ _think you are here to please your Supreme Leader, aren’t you?_ ” Ren said, his voice low. Hux swallowed hard.

“ _I—_ ”

Ren grabbed his chin. “ _Aren’t you?_ ”

“... _yes sir._ ”

Rey felt her head perspire. She didn’t like the direction this was going. She wasn’t even sure if this was a good or bad memory, but she assumed it was bad because Ben was there. 

And then, Ben met her eye. Rey blinked once, then twice. Surely, it was just a coincidence in the memory that Ren looked her way. 

But then he got up and Hux fell to the side uselessly. The former First Order General slumped on the floor, his forehead leaning against the throne as if he was already spent.

Ben changed. The edges of his cape almost looked like they were smoldering and Rey swore she saw a golden reflection in his dark eyes. She frowned at him, getting into a ready stance to fight him. Could she fight an apparition? She got the sense this was not the same as their Force connection. It felt like when Ren forced himself into other people’s minds. 

She remembered the pain of Ren looking into her head, taunting her for her thoughts and heart. It was violating. It felt like she was being molested in her mind. 

Rey didn’t want to be scared of Ben, she did have hopes for him at times, but he was far from gentle here. He was doing something to Hux.

And somehow Rey knew that meant he’d do it to her if he felt inclined. Had Ben made Hux sick to his stomach? Was he killing him through the Force? There were millions of questions in her mind but none could be answered.

Kylo revealed his saber, the burning bright red hue scorching her eyes. She reached for her blue lightsaber and turned it on. She didn’t want to fight him again, but she would not let him intimidate her. 

“I think you are looking where you aren’t supposed to,” Ren said darkly, a shadow casting over his eyes. Rey glared.

“Then what are you doing here? This isn’t a memory anymore. What is this?” she demanded, clenching her saber tightly. Ren sighed as if he was disappointed. 

“It’s a power I offered you, yet you are too _stubborn_ to accept it.” 

“I don’t want whatever this is. What are you doing to him?” Rey gestured her saber towards the still image of Hux who was still slumped over. 

“Why do you care? He’s my General, not your friend.” 

“I wouldn’t call us friends either but it appears you are our common enemy,” Rey snarled. 

Kylo raised an eyebrow, tilting his head slightly. Rey suddenly felt her shoulder sag a bit. 

“Enemy?” Ben drawled. Rey’s heartbeat quickened. She suddenly didn’t feel so brave. “I think you still have a lack of understanding of what is going on in this galaxy. Not that I would expect you to. Since you will not let me teach you, then I will make you regret it. We could’ve been a team.” 

“I see what you do to your teammates, Ben,” she hissed. He frowned. 

“Always calling me that fucking name. You think you can turn me to the light yet can’t even respect who I am. At least Hux understood that.”

Rey didn’t like how he said Hux. There was a slight twinge in his inflection that made it almost sound possessive. 

“It’s funny how everyone leaves you behind then,” Rey said rather cruelly. If he was going to taunt her and belittle her, then she would try to get him right back. She couldn’t let him manipulate her into doing his bidding and being his puppet. 

He let out a soft chuckle. Rey charged at him with her saber, but when she tried to strike his body turned into a black shadow and burst around her, surrounding her in black. She let out a scream: angered and scared.

When Rey opened her eyes again, she saw she was back on the ship. She was no longer in Hux’s head— or whatever she had been.

Worst of all, her lightsaber was gripped in her hands and she was pointing it in Hux’s face. Hux’s eyes were wide and he was as still as a corpse. Rey couldn’t tell if he was afraid: his eyes looked dead. 

She gasped and turned off the saber, tucking it away quickly. Hux slowly sat up and felt his cheek, his chest rising and falling quickly yet his face remaining stoic. She wondered if she had rattled his brain as Ren did unintentionally. She wondered if he saw what she did.

Then she wondered what the hell was going on with Hux. 

Hux put a hand to his cheek, feeling a slight burn from where Rey’s blade lingered a little too close.

“What was that?” Rey asked, her voice trembling.

“What?” Hux replied, narrowing his eyes at her. This is why he hated Force users.

“I know you saw it too. You must’ve.”

“It seems to me, Miss Rey, that you have seen something unsavory. We all have terrible pasts, might as well not dwell on it,” he said rather apathetically.

The response seemed wrong to Rey. Even if Hux was an awful man, the memories he has bottled up surely added to his cruelty and pain alike. Her pity for Ben was amplified because they were Force-users sharing the same connection, namely Luke Skywalker. He had disappointed her hope, but Hux was different. She didn’t think she could fix him, but there was something there to help.

Otherwise, she feared whatever was eating at him would hurt someone. Or worse: it could call to Ren for attention. 

Hux’s memories were unlike Ben’s. Ben was filled with a series of resentments that empowered him to be cruel. Snoke surely wasn’t a kind Master to him, but that’s what Ben apparently signed up for. Hux’s memories almost sickened Rey. They were forceful and violent in a way that was just meant to weaken him, whereas she knew Kylo Ren took the pain as a strength of the dark side. 

She didn’t need to see everything to know what had happened to Hux. She didn’t need to hear everything to know what he had feared. 

“It isn’t healthy to bottle that up inside,” she tried to say genially. He rolled his eyes.

“You don’t want to be my therapist, I know that much. And whatever failure you had with Kylo doesn’t mean you can try to make up for it by trying to help me,” he told her, his tone nearly scolding her.

“I’m not trying to make up for anything. I know that Ben is irredeemable now. He didn’t even try to set things right really. He killed the man who harmed him and took his place, that doesn’t really inspire my confidence,” Rey said seriously. 

Her words intrigued Hux enough that he stood up. She noticed he was almost as tall as Ren, though his lean figure made him the utter opposite of the dark Force user. 

“So you finally have matured then. Good. And stop calling him that.”

Rey furrowed her brows “What?”

“Ben. He hates it and it’s a stupid name anyway.”

She didn’t know why Hux was defending him. She hadn’t realized Hux knew Ren’s birth name either. 

“I try not to. Leia and Luke call him that usually so it’s out of habit.” Ben was also the name Han died for. 

Kylo Ren killed a father Rey would’ve died for. Ren killed a father for a reason Hux despised, seeing nothing but a privileged man still trying to be a boy. 

“You are avoiding the topic of what I saw,” she said. 

“What is there to talk about? I had a shitty childhood, who cares? So did everyone on this ship most likely. The galaxy is a shitty place.” 

“And that’s why you need to bring order to it?...” Rey felt like this area of conversation would’ve been better for Poe to deal with. She wasn’t always the best at talking to people. Growing up on Jakku, she tended to not talk to others at all. 

“You’re very bad at this, Miss Rey. You were a better interrogator when you were forcing yourself into my mind,” Hux said cruelly. She tensed up, realizing Hux was implying that she and Ren had something in common.

“That was an accident. You weren’t responding and I just touched your head,” she said defensively. He waved her off.

“What did you want anyway? I assume it’s to tell me it’s time to get off this dreadful ship so Organa can hang me.”

“No, I just needed to give you food. The ship is having trouble jumping into hyperspeed. We’ll get there eventually. It’s not like this ship doesn’t have enough fuel or anything,” Rey told him. Hux’s body stopped for a moment, thinking, and then he pushed a hand through his hair. 

“Your ship is broken?”

“It isn’t broken, it’s just having some issues, it's still safe. You should be happy that it’s slowing. Perhaps you can have more time to think about what you really want and come to terms with it.” She paused. She gently reached out with the Force to see how Hux would react. She easily found that the man was not Force-sensitive but highly guarded against the Force. “You really aren’t going to talk to me about what happened.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” 

She put a finger to her chin. She thought that maybe someone else could be better at talking to him; she knew Poe was far more charismatic and Hux had already seemed to be more comfortable around him. She thought if he were more sympathetic, then he’d also be more helpful— for both the Resistance and for himself. 

She didn’t want to force him to do anything, but the situation felt dire. If Ren was doing something to him, she’d need to know sooner than later. They all needed to know what Kylo’s plan was and if Hux was aware of it or not. She didn’t think they’d just randomly find his pod. 

If it was just a coincidence, then Hux was either the luckiest or unlucky person in the galaxy.

He glared at her, his fingers twitching. She held her breath for a second.

There was something wrong with Armitage Hux. 

//——-//

“Hey, buddy,” Dameron said with a smile. Hux squeezed his cup of tea, frowning. 

“What?” Hux said bitterly. 

“How’s your food?” Dameron forced out, his lips twitching. Hux sighed.

Hux indulged Dameron’s desperate attempt to have a conversation. “Bitter, dry. The fact you have the materials to make me a fresh salad on this ship is a bit ridiculous. This is very perishable.” 

“Well, that’s why we are feeding it to you before it expires. Besides, this ship was made for long travels and comfortable living. We don’t survive off of ration bars here.”

Hux couldn’t tell if that was a jest at his expense or not. Hux put down his cup, pressing his lips together.

“What do you want, Dameron?” 

“Well… Rey said there was a little incident earlier.” Hux groaned. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I already told Rey no. What makes you think I’ll talk to you about it, especially when you don’t understand Force nonsense?” Hux huffed, his shoulders tensing. 

“Well, maybe that’s why I’ll understand.” 

Hux paused. He turned to Dameron, looking at the man’s warm, happy eyes. Hux didn’t understand how the man could grin and have such a glorious shine in his eyes when the galaxy repeatedly spat on him. Hux had torn apart his Resistance, yet Dameron still smiled at him. 

Maybe he was just nice. Maybe Hux wasn’t as hurtful as he thought he was. Maybe Ren truly was taking all the credit. Maybe that could be an advantage. 

“Ren dug through your head once, didn’t he?” Hux asked, his voice quieter. Dameron perked up. He scratched the back of his head. BB-8 beeped at his feet and nudged him. 

“Yeah. It was awful. Rey had that happen too but it is a bit different for a Force user. It felt like the worst migraine of my life. I thought he was going to pull my brain out,” Dameron said, his smile faltering. Hux tilted his head, peering down at the ball droid looking at him. BB-8 may have not had an expressive face, but he got the sense the ball didn’t like him. 

“I think you are understating it.”

“Well, of course. I shudder when I think about it, but sometimes it helps to joke about it.”

Hux pressed his lips together with a slight frown. “That doesn’t seem healthy.”

“Maybe you’re right. That’s why it’s good to talk about it,” Dameron said, leaning it slightly and cocking an eyebrow. 

They stared at each other. Hux groaned and gave up. 

“Fine. Let’s not talk so publicly. I’m sure your Jedi girl listens anyway but I rather not feel so… exposed.” Hux shuddered.

“Rey doesn’t do that.” Hux didn’t believe him. If he had a magic power, why wouldn’t he listen to everyone’s secrets?

 _She’s not Kylo,_ he had to remind him.

 _But she did try to help him_ , he reminded himself again.

Hux swore Dameron was about to offer his hand again to help him out of his seat. He grimaced and quickly got up without stumbling. 

He followed Dameron back to his room, passing Rose Tico on the way. He could feel her glare even as they grew farther away from her. He noticed that Finn was not present like the others usually were. Then he thought about how Finn was the only one who had worked within the First Order. The man probably was extremely frustrated about Hux’s presence, and Hux wondered if that would hurt him or if he would twist that into a benefit. 

Once again, Dameron let Hux into the room after him. BB-8 didn’t follow in with them, rolling away like he understood their conversation was too private for even a little droid.

As the door closed, Hux suddenly felt very intimidated. He was alone with Dameron. He didn’t think Dameron would hurt him, but it felt confining to be in a room with a man that was meant to be his enemy. 

“Did you sleep well?” Dameron asked, leaning against the wall. There were no chairs in the room.

Hux squeezed his hands into fists. No, he didn’t. “It was fine enough.”

“How was—”

“Let’s skip the chivalry, Dameron. Get to the juicy bits that you are so interested in pressing me about,” he said coldly. 

“Maker, Hugs, you really don’t like being treated nicely.”

“What’s the point of this surface-level kindness? I rather people just be direct with me.”

Dameron’s face softened. “Surface level? Hugs, I am just trying to make you feel comfortable. I promise this is how I feel and how I want to treat you.”

“Stop calling me Hugs, you insolent slimeball.”

“Well then,” Dameron said with a gentle smile, “what’s your name?” 

Hux stiffened. “It’s pronounced Hux.”

“I mean your first name. I’m Poe, by the way.” 

“I know your name is _Poe_ ,” Hux exasperated. He sat on his bed, crossing his legs and putting his hands in his lip. He sat there thoughtfully for a moment, his face beginning to twist anxiously. “If you must know, not that you couldn’t figure it out, my first name is Armitage.” 

“Nice to meet you, Armitage.” Hux looked back at Poe, a flash of gentle hope flickering in his eyes. 

To hear Poe say his name felt different from when Ren said it. Poe said it with a friendliness that he never knew; Ren said it like the name was something to hold over his head.

“Well, this is hardly our first meeting, though it is far more pleasant. In a way.” Hux paused, looking down at his pale hands. A blush crept onto his face. “But, nice to make your acquaintance, uh, P-Poe.” 

Poe nearly choked hearing Hux stammer so shyly. The man was known for his well-written speeches and his authority, not for being an embarrassed schoolgirl. Dameron could only deduce that Hux’s head was still out of sorts because there was no feasible way the murderous General Hux would feel flustered about saying someone’s first name. 

“So, Armitage—” Hux looked at him so sharply Poe thought the man’s gaze would cut his skin, so he quickly corrected himself, “—Hux. Tell me what bothers you.”

“Dear Maker, all of you make awful therapists. I am not about to unload my entire life onto you for no reason.”

“Well, let’s say there is a reason. I’m sure humanizing you would make you more sympathetic.”

Hux snorted. “Really? Do you need to _humanize_ me? It seems your Jedi and Organa already humanize the worst fucker in the universe so if they can humanize that prick they can humanize anyone no questions asked.” 

“You’re talking about Kylo Ren, I’m assuming,” Poe said, watching as Hux’s once still face turned angrier. 

“Of course I’m talking about Ren. Who else? Organa would put me on the chopping block without blinking but if her dastardly son came back crying, as the _grown_ man he is, she’d be more willing to fight for him and coddle him!” Hux began raging, feeling his face heat up. He tried to calm down but couldn’t. He didn’t know if Ren was watching him with disdain or if Ren would’ve liked to see him get angry. 

“...do you think there’s something wrong with sympathizing with people? Even if they are your enemy?” Poe asked genuinely. 

Hux took in a breath. He knew it would be hypocritical to say no knowing that Poe had been so gentle to him. Contrary to what everyone thought, Hux did care about people. He didn’t want his stormtroopers to be uselessly murdered and he wanted his cadets to succeed and his staff to do well without suffering too badly. 

He would let them perish if need be, but he didn’t think he did anything purposelessly like Ren often did. 

“ _I don’t do that_ ,” Ren’s voice said in his head rather defensively. Hux became rigid. Ren’s presence quickly vanished, as if he knew that he had acted emotionally. Hux made a mental note of that engagement: He knew now that Ren was still too self-centered and emotional to ignore too many petty jabs from Hux. 

“I don’t. I merely think being too soft-hearted means you become easier to manipulate and that you’ll get taken advantage of. Just look at Miss Rey,” Hux said bitterly, “she tried to save Kylo, or whatever she was thinking, and he used that to take down his own Master to become the leader. When she didn’t submit to him, he tried to break her down further.”

Hux didn’t actually know if Poe knew the whole story about what happened on the _Supremacy_. The man certainly didn’t look pleased to hear it, whatever his relation to the story was. 

“You must really hate Ren,” Poe said. He raised an eyebrow when Hux didn’t immediately agree. Hux scratched at his palms. 

“He’s impossible to work with. He’s selfish. He is manipulative. He stole everything from me,” Hux said firmly. 

“Are you… scared to say that you hate him?” Poe questioned. Hux felt his throat constrict, but not from Ren’s faraway Force abilities. 

“I—” Hux paused. He certainly wanted to kill Kylo more often than not, but he suddenly couldn’t say he hated Ren. He had said it before, why couldn’t he say it now? 

The last time he told Ren he hated him to his face, Ren didn’t lash out like he usually did. Instead, he began to cry and blubber. It shocked Hux, not to see Ren become a mess of his feelings, but to see Ren feel bad about being hated by Hux. Hux didn’t know what about the sight changed him, but he suddenly found himself trying to comfort Ren. 

Ren had clung to the back of his shirt, sobbing into his chest as he sat on his knees. Hux didn’t know what else to do but to hold him and pet his head.

“Stop this, you’re being ridiculous. I rather you throw me into a wall than cry about some simple words,” Hux told Ren firmly, but even he knew his sympathy was slipping into his words.

“It’s just been… so hard. All the work and to know the stress it is causing between us,” Ren had lamented. Hux wanted to roll his eyes and point out that their situation had been self-inflicted by Ren. Instead, Hux petted the man’s hair and sighed. Ren then asked, softly, “Do you hate me?” 

Staring at Poe, feeling strangely empty, Hux answered his question.

“I don’t know,” he told Poe, his voice sounding weak and fragile. He honestly didn’t know. 

Did he hate Ren? Did he hate Ren for being his enemy, or did he hate Ren for all the times Ren purposefully broke his heart? Did he hate Ren for being an incompetent leader, or did he hate Ren for softening his emotions so that he could think that romance was a real option?

It all felt pathetic. 

He didn’t want Dameron’s pity. He just wanted to know how he felt.

He wanted to know the truth behind Ren’s mysterious ways.

He almost wanted to call back into the void, to shout at Ren the same question that he was always forced to answer. 

“ _Do you hate me?_ ” he wanted to ask Kylo. He knew if he did Kylo would win though. If he gave up that last piece of his heart, then Ren could do anything he wanted.

Ren must’ve hated him enough to send him into the void of space in the hands of people who wanted to pick apart his brain.

Yet, Ren must’ve loved him enough to want him back too, in his own sick and twisted way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr [@starryartemis](https://starryartemis.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Follow me on Twitter. I started to make art! I have been making a lot of kylux flower shop au drawings... one day I will have to write that too. [@truemoongoddess](https://twitter.com/truemoongoddess)


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